Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About Asexuality (But Were Too Afraid To Ask)


Alright folks, this right here is going to be Asexuality 101. I get too many questions and don’t always feel like coming up with a creative way to say that it’s not any of your business/beeswax/concern, so I’ve decided to type them up into a handy little list that I can tape to my wall and hand out to anybody who wants a cheat sheet.

To begin, a definition: people who are asexual don’t experience sexual attraction. It’s a scale, as most sexualities are, called the asexuality spectrum, and someone who is grey-asexual refers to somebody in a position somewhere along that scale. The position can change. Everyone is different. Great. Now for your questions:

So, do you, like, not like anybody then?
No. That would be someone who is aromantic.

So, you, like, have boyfriends and stuff?

Well how can they like you if you aren’t, like, attracted to them sexually?
I’m not sure, it’s almost as if my sexuality doesn’t define me as an entire person and I have a brain and personality that is entirely separate from my levels of sexual attraction!

Don’t they get bored of you? Sex is such a huge and vital part of a relationship.
Sure it is, for people who aren’t asexual. If they can’t accept that I don’t want to have sex, they can go screw themselves, literally and figuratively.

Well how do you know you are *air quotation marks* asexual?
I just know, and I don’t have to justify or prove it to you.

Why haven’t I met anybody else like you and why don’t I hear about asexuality?
You probably have, and I don’t know, why haven’t you? Thought the A in LGBTQIA* stood for allies and advocates? Think again, it’s for Asexual, Agender and Aromantic. I swear we exist.

Well you probably just haven’t done it with the right person yet.
This is the one I’m most sick of hearing. Yes, because you know exactly how it is for me. If you tell me you don’t like heights, I don’t tell you that you just haven’t been at the top of the right building yet. Buzz off. The right person will understand completely and have an open and honest discussion about it while reserving judgment and being patient. Oh, and I absolutely love it when guys tell me they are the right one as if they’re the magical answer to all my sexual “woes.” Please, if you were that good, you wouldn’t still be swiping on Tinder on a Friday at 11pm with the sex window of the week quickly closing. The right person won’t call themselves the right person and try to “fix” me. I’m not broken.

So… you don’t find people attractive?
Of course I do. I can appreciate a good face like anybody. My genitals just don’t experience an otherworldly pull towards theirs.

Do you have sex dreams?
No. Not to say other people who are asexual don’t, but I don’t. In my dreams, the scene cuts like a movie and I fast forward.

Do you think about sex?
Only when asked about it, or I’m wondering why people like it.

At this point, the conversation goes something like this:
*Person talks all about the great things about sex*
I nod.

*Person laments my wasted vagina*
I roll my eyes.

*Person starts to pity me for how hard I must have it finding a boyfriend*
My eyes start to glaze over.

*Person inevitably brings conversation back to how tragic my predicament is*
I play dead and hope they leave soon.

Look, I’d really love to be a “normal” young adult like I’m supposed to be but that’s just not the case. However, I have plenty more time that I don’t spend fantasizing or dreaming or “doing the do” to do a bunch of other things like write these silly articles and hyperfocus on the train wreck that is American politics.


That’s all I had to say on the matter.

If you have any other questions, feel free to do a Google search because it’s not my job to educate you and you’re all capable human beings. I believe in you.