FBI Releases Report: ‘Bronies Are Now Gang Members’
By Jason Koh
Washington, DC — James Comey, Director of the FBI released a statement upgrading the group known as Bronies to “Gang” status. “I am pleased to say that we’ve finally got these bastards in our crosshairs,” Comey said. “They’ve been taunting us for too long.” Present at the hearing, Brony spokesperson Doug McBride was disappointed with the FBI’s decision. “This is so unfair,” McBride said. “It feels like a dark cloud has been cast over Ponyville and Rainbow Dash can’t seem to clear it.” Fellow brony Katie Derrick tried to convince members of the crowd that Bronies were not a gang. “We love people,” she said. “We follow in the steps of Applejack, in bringing love and friendship to people.” The FBI has not yet released an official listicle on why Bronies are now gang members.