Fighting The War On Aging


The war on aging is heating up. More and more, individuals feel the need to get “work” done on their skin. We live in a culture that loathes aging. That’s the cold, wrinkled truth.

Although it’s sad (and representative of a very sick society) I choose to see the hilarity in it. We have declared war on ourselves. Who does that?

The “anti-aging” movement supersedes vanity – it’s become a battle of the “free radicals” against evil collagen depletion and growing older. Product marketing suggests that an aged face is a diseased one.

Wrinkled skin no longer represents maturity and wisdom; it is now the First World’s sworn enemy. The marketing language is scary and hawkish. In fact, “Anti-aging” is a pretty extreme term when you think about it. Anti-establishment, anti-semitic, anti-statism– these are all aggressive topics. How did anti-aging earn this intense prefix? I guess we’re talking business.

The beauty business – a zillion dollar industry and one that I admittedly buy into. Fetching spokes models on the Shopping Channel inform me to thwart “early onset aging” before it’s too late. And because I am a consumer whore, I indulge in overpriced preventative creams with comical names like, “Biocollasis Complex Cell Vitality Recovery Cream.” What does this even mean? Recovery from what?

Remember, kids – beautiful skin starts with serious treatment, as well as incomprehensible scientific terminology.

But how else do we react? These skincare companies are warmongers. “This is a state of emergency! Rally the troops! Together we must fight the threat of mature skin from the inside. Protect our skin’s natural resources – safeguard our peptide and torricelumn deposits, then ambush the look of chronological aging by carpet bombing fine lines with reserves of retinol, hyaluronic acid, and jojoba!”’

Everyday a loved one loses 1% collagen. As humans, we must shield ourselves from our humanity.

According to recent Cosmo article, Attack Your Lady Lumps: The Best Anti-Cellulite Creams, it is essential to buy this expensive lotion, because it is written in French.  Also, it promises to “tighten temporarily,” which makes total sense.

“The kneading action releases the trapped fluids, making cellulite disappear.” So according to this logic, if I were to rub a bunch of dog poo on my cellulite, the kneading action would also release trapped fluids, making my cellulite disappear.

Brilliant! How do you say, “Dog shit” in French?

Take a stand by dropping your weapons, people. Aging should be embraced, not battled.