Finding Your Fictional TV Genius Husband


So, you want to fall in love, and real boys can’t seem to hold your attention, or just aren’t your cup of tea? That’s fine. Just find a fictional TV genius. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Even though these elusive unicorns Gods of men are existent in the fictional universe, the world of dating fictional TV geniuses can be still a difficult one to navigate. Luckily, I’m here to aid you in finding your best match.

Option 1: Sherlock Holmes from BBC’s “Sherlock Holmes”

Sherlock Holmes is intelligent, observant, and a world-renowned detective. However, in the BBC series (unlike the book series), Sherlock Holmes is actually labeled as a “high-functioning sociopath”, which is always bad news. He fails at understanding human emotions and is incapable of empathy, meaning he will never love you. Oh well…Onto the next one.

Option 2: Dr. Gregory House from Fox’s “House, M.D.”

Dr. Gregory House is rugged, handsome, and he thinks outside of the box. He’s a stellar problem solver and highly sought-after doctor. How attractive is that? Unfortunately, he’s addicted to Vicodin and is a bit of a jerk. He’s also spent a bit of time in prison. Guess you’ll just have to find someone else….

Option 3: Frank Underwood from Netflix’s “House of Cards”

Frank Underwood is driven, and has a way of always getting what he wants. He didn’t become President of the United States by dillydallying all day. While he IS fantastic when it comes to strategic planning, he’s also very power hungry, and will do just about anything to work his way up the food chain. This includes killing. Better not mess with that.

Option 4: Dexter Morgan from Showtime’s “Dexter”

Dexter Morgan is a detail-oriented man. He works for the Miami Police Department as a blood spatter analyst. You could also say he’s very protective of the citizens of Miami (at least the good ones). When the sun sets, Dexter goes from lab technician to serial killer. He only kills killers, though. Does that still rule him out as a prospective partner?

Option 5: Dr. Spencer Reid from CBS’s “Criminal Minds”

Spencer Reid works for the FBI, has an eidetic memory, and his mind is basically an encyclopedia. He’s cute, well-dressed (those sweater vests…), and he’s managed to stop many a serial killer. Also, unlike Dexter Morgan and Frank Underwood, he doesn’t even try to kill anyone! Could Dr. Spencer Reid be the perfect fictional TV genius to date and eventually marry? YES! We have a winner! I can hear the wedding bells ringing already.

So now you’ve found your ideal guy. What’s the problem? You aren’t satisfied with him being unable to spend actual time with you? Guess you’ll just have to to find a real boy, then. And what’s so bad about that, really? Real boys can be very intelligent, and some have many redeemable qualities. And when they’re something special, isn’t that more impressive than them being a fictional character created by a writer who probably can’t even live up to the unrealistic standards that their characters set?

If you want love, detach yourself from your expectations of complete perfection. There’s someone who’s right for you out there, and sooner or later, you’ll come across him. He won’t bore you, and I can almost guarantee you that you’ll be happier dating him than wishing you were with someone nonexistent.