Girls, It’s Time To Stop Going Back To Him And Getting Hurt

You girls with me on this one?

You open your eyes and their your first thought.

And it takes everything just to get out of bed and look presentable.

You reach for your phone and there is a silence that irks you.

You look through social media and they seem to be carrying on about their life and little do they know you’re barely staying afloat.

You girls with me on this one?

And you listen to music that seems to understand your pain.

And you read things to give you hope and motivate you right?

And you’re smiling and going through the motions and you look in the mirror and you wonder what’s wrong with you.

You think where did I go wrong.

What didn’t I do right?

At what moment did he change his mind about me?

And you look at your phone and you want all these answers. You want it to make it right.

But you don’t even know what to say.

Part of you wants to say sorry for messing this up.

But the other half of you has a little more self respect than that.

So you let the silence eat away at you.

And your mind races and you try and understand.

But you’re physically and emotionally exhausted from it all.

You girls with me on this one?

And you want to cry but there aren’t any tears left in you to.

And everyone tells you to move on but all you keep thinking is tell me the fuck how.

Because when you give your heart to someone, when you put everything on the line, when you take a risk only to be disappointed it takes a lot out of you.

And you can’t sit there waiting for them to be ready.

You just go day by day but it honestly feels like you’re running a marathon without them.

You girls with me on this one?

Then people ask how are you?

And you’ve mastered the art of deception because it’s easier to say fine and less embarrassing than to completely break down.

Because everyone knows no one cares how you feel except your close friends and family.

They do it to be polite, so you politely lie back.

You girls with me on this one?

And just as you mourn this, like it is a death you find yourself accepting it.

You get bit with reality they are a piece of your past even if it was your favorite part.

And just when you start to get your shit together your phone goes off. It’s them. A simple question or few words “hey” “how’s it going?”

And in your mind you want to answer honesty.

I cried every day for the past month or so. I haven’t slept in weeks. My alcohol tolerance has reached a new high but the only thing I found at the bottom of every bottle was yearning and missing you.

But you say none of those things.

Maybe you don’t even answer.

Because even though you’ve been waiting for that fucking text. Even though you want them to say sorry. Even though you’ve dreamed of that moment they want you back. You think of everything you went through. You think for so long I thought it was me not good enough.

But you look at him and it’s like you’re looking at him for the first time, like you did that moment you met. Again he looks like a stranger. A familiar one at that. Only this time you walk away with no desire to want to know more.

You walk away realizing, I didn’t deserve that. You walk away looking forward to meeting someone you don’t even know. But most of all you look forward to the day you get exactly what you deserve.

You girls with me on this one?