He Loves You Not
By Ari Eastman
He has a girlfriend.
And that girlfriend is not you.
There are certain things that we don’t really question in life: red light means stop, Snoop Lion (or is he Dogg again? I’m personally pulling for Snoop Giraffe) really likes weed, making fun of Nickelback is a cherished pastime, etc.
But for some reason, when we really like someone, we question the shit out of their relationship status, even when it’s right there out in the open. Social media doesn’t lie; Man of your dreams is IN A RELATIONSHIP with some stupid girl who doesn’t even look THAT pretty in her profile picture… And seriously, that heart icon is just being a smug asshole.
But even when it’s literally staring us in the face, we’ll try and justify WHY it’s okay to keep holding on.
“I mean, yeah, he has a girlfriend, but she just seems super unsupportive. I feel like they’ve just been together for so long that they don’t know how to NOT be together, ya know?”
No. In fact, you don’t know. You are not in their relationship, as much as you want to be. And, listen, I know it stings. But as you’re sitting at home, compulsively checking his Facebook every 5 minutes to see if he’s changed his picture to one without her (because that would mean maybe they got into a fight and he needs someone to console him, right?!?), he’s fostering a connection with someone probably pretty cool. Because if he’s as amazing as you think, wouldn’t you hope he’d be attracted to someone kind of special? I know she won’t be anywhere NEAR as thoughtful, intelligent, and naturally beautiful as you are, but hey, she might be making him happy.
But damn it, you could make him so much happier.
Bottom line: sitting around, pining and day dreaming of the day he confesses that his girlfriend is in fact some sort of cover up story because he’s in witness protection and you are the one he truly loves (or just that he dumped his girlfriend and wants to be with you) is not going to do you any favors. Best case scenario? His relationship crashes and burns, enough time passes so that you are not his rebound, and something beautiful kindles between you two. Worst case scenario? You murder the girlfriend and are sentenced to life imprisonment. Most likely scenario: you are going feel lonely and binge on Netflix, turn down opportunities with people who are actually available, and drive your friends nuts with how often you analyze his text messages.
Do your best to limit your time around him and maybe think about hiding his activity from your newsfeed. Nobody wants to see their dumb trip to even dumber Hawaii…Fear not, with time, feelings will fade if you do your best to not feed into the fantasy. But seriously, it just sucks. It sucks a big one. Always be cautious around the handsome boy with the clever jokes when he already has someone to hold.