He Was The Kind Of Person Who Forever Changes You


He was the kind of person you meet and, somehow, forever changes you.

I know, I know. That’s corny and gross, and trust me, I almost hate myself for typing something so Nicholas Sparks. I didn’t want our story to be something you can flip through and predict the ending. I wanted grit and realness. Fairytales are things of my childhood, I didn’t want that shit.

But sometimes, the truth is kind of ridiculous like that. It’s embarrassing and something you want to pretend isn’t so sappy. The thoughts you want locked away in a private diary, something far from judgmental eyes and mouths that will tell you how over-the-top it all is.

You already know how it sounds.

But one look from him and I was done for. Close the shop! Tell everyone to go home! I am DONE.

And feeling that much for another human being right away? It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever known.

He was already sitting at the bar when I walked in. And the feeling when he turned around and I saw him smile was something I’ve wanted to bottle up ever since. If you could sell that euphoria? Nobody would ever get high again. They’d be too hooked on his stupidly perfect smile to ever need any other fix.

I can only imagine how I must have looked to the other bar patrons — like some cartoon character with my heart visibly thumping in and out of my body. He placed a hand on the small of my back and, for a second, I thought, “Yep, I could die right now and I will have experienced all I need to.”

I was always the overly romantic child. I wanted to play matchmaker with all my friends, talked incessantly about whoever I had a crush on at the time, and thought falling in love was the ultimate thing you could achieve in life. So, yeah, it’s safe to say I had a lofty idea of romance. My perfect guy had been sketched out years prior. And I was finally beginning to think that had been stupid of me.

But then, there he was. I had wanted to trace those collarbones for years, with him making jokes and me laughing until tears came flowing down both cheeks. He was someone I had always wanted to meet, but so much better than my fantasies. Because he was real and flawed. I saw bits of his darkness and loved him all the more.

I couldn’t explain it to anyone, including myself, but I thought about kissing him for the next 60 years. I wanted to kiss him until our lips fell off. And even then, I would have begged doctors for some weird lip transplant surgery so we could make it work.

“There’s something about you that I want with me at all times,” His words filled the room with a lightness I haven’t felt since. And for a deliciously hopeful moment, I honestly thought I’d get to kiss those lips for the next 60 years.

It’s no secret that my heart was a big mushy pile of goo after him. I keep wanting it to harden. I keep wanting it to go back to the way it was before.

But some people waltz into our lives and the walls don’t just come crashing down, they explode into millions of bits. I just keep finding more pieces of our aftermath.

He was the kind of person you meet and, somehow, forever changes you.

But maybe that’s not a bad thing.