Here’s How Much Of A Fuckboy He Is, Based On His Bumble Profile


Includes A Tyler Durden Quote

I maintain that a Fight Club quote to a dude is what ~live laugh love~ is for girls. A guy who has an unhealthy love with Fight Club is the same guy that insists on doing a shotski on a Tuesday night. He’s walking talking beer goggles aka: only attractive under the influence of copious amount of alcohol. He also definitely sleeps on a mattress on the floor or *shudder* a futon and will only be affectionate to you after 10 PM. Not cute. Not worth it. Definite fuckboy.

great hair.

Oh so you agree, you think you’re really pretty?

Look. I’m all for body confidence. But throwing out that you definitely spend more time on your hair than a girl in your average Sephora is not the best move. It says, “I’m a dude who asks to retake a picture because my smirk is off.” Attractive? Admittedly kind of. Fuckboy? Most definitely.

Looking for a partner in crime 😉

Not a fuckboy, but not dateable in the long run. He will 100% get really clingy after date 3 and ask you to go to some event like his sister’s graduation WAY before it’s socially appropriate. He will get offended when you say no and butt hurt about it. He definitely called you his girlfriend before asking you if that was in the cards. Just no girl, no.

6’1″ since it matters.

6’1″ with a chip on your shoulder on a dating app translates to “not as funny as you think” and 5’10” in real life. Tell ’em boy bye.

No profile written and no photo where he is not wearing sunglasses

Are you catfishing someone? Are you in the witness protection program? Are you just really high ALL the time and have to keep your precious baby blues covered? This also either says, “I don’t know how to properly use technology” or “I’m just here to get laid so I’m not going to try.” Absolutely, 100%, is a fuckboy.

New to this whole dating app thing…

No you’re not. And by trying to play that card you’re automatically entering yourself into Team Fuckboy.

All I need is travel and my longboard and I’m good to go.

Not necessarily a fuckboy but also not sold on whether you should date him. Girls are getting away with little touches of immaturity by dying their hair crazy colors and wearing whimsical jewelry. You could argue that continuing to sk8 past 25 is the same…but it also could mean his credit is so blasted he doesn’t qualify for a basic sedan. Have a summer fling, but don’t bring him home to meet Gram Gram.

INFP and looking for someone similar.

Being introverted and liking cuddling is the personality equivalent of vanilla soft serve. Boring boring boring. He is clearly a fuckboy dressed in softboy clothing and will tell you you’re “a lot to handle” at least once before ghosting.

Netflix & Chill?

HBOGo and Nope. This line is tired and so is his pathetic attempt at “not putting labels onto things.” He WISHES he was a fuckboy.

I’m a DJ who’s passionate about…

Do I even have to tell you?

Ok, ok, I’ll tell you. DJs are the Captains of the Fuckboy Alliance. They march around with their chromed headphones and try to mansplain how music works to you every time you have the audacity to turn the radio on. They’re narcissistic, typically funemployed, and will eat all of your food when they come home at 3 AM after their “gig” where they made $64 in tips. If someone tells you they’re a DJ, you should just tell them you’re not interested because you’re an adult lady and you deserve better.

Snapchat: [insert handle here]

Oh so you’re using Bumble to try and get nudes. Got it. GOT IT. F U C K B O Y. I see you.