Here’s The Thing: You’re Only Going To Heal When You Decide You Want To

This year was the year everything cornered out of nowhere.

2016 made headway into the records as being one of the most tumultuous year of growing, growing within my own soul and within my own heart.

This was also the year that I learned something fascinatingly new. I finally understood that you are never going to be enough for someone who never thought you were enough even through your imperfections. Yes, maybe there’s going to be a billion better people out there, better looking, better figured, better smiles, basically better everything. But how this other person choose to see you and how you choose to see this other person is what counts and what matters most. Some people don’t get that.

In this significantly long race, trying to reach that rainbow’s end, life twirled me round its fingers. A new job, new clothes, new shoes, new bag, new songs but it didn’t fill that hole within me. So I did what I thought was for the best, I went on searching for something bigger than myself, and bigger than my emotions could handle. I carved out my name in the clouds but it rained on me instead, creating a thunderstorm in my mind and heart.
Yet life goes on, and I’m still here with my new job, new clothes, new shoes, new bag and old songs.

Expectations are the main killer – they deem your decisions and control your moves, and your every reaction. Like all those Instagram quote posts say, “You expect too much because you’d do the same for them.” My bad then.

However, through the mess of it all, I still make no apologies for how I led this year.

It broke my heart, taunted my spirit and entered my dreams, turning them into nightmares. But it also taught me that I could repair myself without anyone’s help and to repair it quick because time wasted pining over the pain is time lost unnecessarily. It taught me to pick up the pieces, look them in the eye while holding a glue gun on the other hand. And even if the blocks no longer fit the same way, you make it work, and make your heart and head meet each other halfway.

It’s a constant telling yourself that everything happens for the right reasons, it’s that effort to want to see the light at the other end of the tunnel. It’s fighting against the tides of everything that is trying to break your spirit and your strength because that’s life and that’s the battle. Once in a while, you get glimpses of what it could be and that can be enough to get you through most of the days; the hope for tomorrow.

Because at the end of the day, you are all you’ve got and it’s all you are ever promised. It’s about seeking contentment in the littlest of things like seeing your family smile and then cracking a silly joke or two, like seeing the sun shining bright and casting a glow upon your room, like hearing a good song with good lyrics after a long time, like taking a walk and letting everything melt away, like watching the rain fall and taking in the scent of the dews, like having a conversation with good friends about good old memories, or like having a good meal. See, there are plenty of priceless moments, you just got to notice it.

Don’t make the same mistake twice and let the paramount moments pass you by. Don’t let old habits die hard. Don’t spend your days looking for something that was never sincere to stay in your life in the first place.
Do yourself a favour this new year.

Stand tall even when things aren’t going right. Keep your head up high even when you feel like you’re drowning.

Every bad time will pass, every heart break will heal, every problem has its solution. When nothing seems to be making sense, take a moment, pause and breathe because nothing will ever make sense when you are rushing through it.

Understand that life is fleeting and fast. Make the most out of it. Smile as often and as much as you can, you look better with it anyway. Cry when you need to because sometimes it can load off a whole lot. But wipe those tears after and continue the journey like the strong person you are meant to be. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. Forgive those who hurt you intentionally or otherwise because who the hell needs that kind of negativity.
Trust that everything will fall into place just as it should be when the time comes. Let go of what’s burdening your head, shoulders and chest. Take it from me, I’ve been there and done that, didn’t work at all. All you need to do is put one foot in front of the other, and be brave enough to let the universe take control.
At least that’s what I’ll be doing.