Hi Twitter, Could You Please Find Me A Boyfriend?

Twitter, I have a favor to ask.

I mean, I’ve given you the best of me. You’ve gotten some serious gems from me, tweets that have double-digit retweets and favorites. We’ve been good friends for a few years now and I think that mutually, we’ve helped each other out a lot.

Can you find me a boyfriend? Please, Twitter?

It’s just that I’ve finally decided I want a boyfriend and I have no clue how to get one! How do people meet significant others after college? I feel like I’ve met everyone in this city. I’m hoping that you, what with your superb networking skills, can find me a sweet, cute friend-of-a-friend or something. I don’t have a lot of criteria besides an affinity for country music and driving around for hours (and no blondes), so it shouldn’t be that hard!

I just want a romance, Twitter!

I downloaded the Tinder app just to see, to test the waters. It was awful. I hated it. I swiped a few dudes and then immediately deleted it. I don’t know what it was, but it felt very wrong to me. I had such high hopes because a few acquaintances had met boyfriends via the app, but I guess it just wasn’t meant to be for me. Tinder makes me profoundly uncomfortable, to say the very least. Plus, it seems to be used to deliver sex to your door, which is great fifty percent of the time. But I don’t just wanna bang! I want to fall in looooooove.

It’s the same with dating sites like OKCupid. I have girlfriends who use these like fiends and go on tons of dates with some great dudes and some not-so-great dudes (at least they’re good stories, right?), but I am hopeless. I try. I do. But perhaps I’m old-fashioned in thinking that I’m gonna meet the man of my dreams in person before I “meet” him online.

Is that an antiquated idea? It probably is. We’re all so glued to our phones nowadays that nobody seems to meet in the traditional manner, and that’s cool! I think that the advent of the social media age is great. I’ve met countless awesome people I would never have met otherwise through the internet and through, well, Twitter. I’m open to finding luuuuv on the internet, I just don’t know HOW. I’m clueless about this at the ripe old age of 26. I feel like an old lady, Twitter.

I don’t go out to bars as much as I used to; working a full-time retail job makes my little introverted soul crave quiet once I get home. I have a ton of friends here, which is at once wonderful and limiting because I know everyone! What’s a girl to do? In my imagination, I become a Twitter “Bachelorette” and voila! Boyfriend.

It’s totally not that easy. I know it’s gotta happen organically and that the stars will eventually align for me. But if you can find it in your heart, Twitter, I wouldn’t mind a little help.