How Am I Supposed To Trust You?

How am I supposed to trust you when you have looked me straight in the eyes and lied about where you went last night, about who you were texting, about how you would never hurt me?

How am I supposed to trust you when you have holes in every single one of your stories, when you cannot keep track of your untruths, when you manipulate me without thinking twice about it because it has become second nature to you?

How am I supposed to trust you when you when you have admitted you have been unfaithful before, when you have admitted you have fucked up, when you have admitted you’ve been giving me less than I deserve?

How am I supposed to trust you when you have shown me you cannot be trusted or relied upon or believed? How am I supposed to trust you when you have given me a million reasons to walk away?

I am known for my kindness, but not for my stupidity. I am not going to stick around while you continue to play games with me. I am not going to accept a relationship where lying becomes normalized and cheating becomes expected.

I am not going to stay with someone when I know a few months, or even weeks from now, I will be wondering why history is repeating itself — because history is going to repeat itself. You can keep making promises, but you have a habit of breaking them. I lost count of the number of times you have disappointed me.

I believe people can change, but it doesn’t seem like you have any desire to act differently. You keep making the same mistakes over and over again like you’re stuck on a turntable. For a day or two, when I am contemplating leaving you, you’ll treat me with respect — but then you’ll go right back to misusing me as soon as I accept your apologies.

Maybe, if you decide to actually put in the effort, you will be able to change one day — but that doesn’t mean you deserve yet another chance from me. No matter what happens, no matter how many wrongs you attempt to right, I am never going to trust you again. I am never going to risk getting my heart stomped on by you again.

At this point, I’m not sure why you even want me around. To assert dominance over someone? To feel like less of a failure? To inflate your bruised ego? I don’t know what I mean to you anymore. I don’t know how you feel about me, because this certainly isn’t love.

You can beg me to give you another shot, you can cry about how everyone eventually leaves you, you can act like I would stay if I loved you enough, but you know you are grasping for straws. You know I have already given you more than you have earned.

How am I supposed to stay with you when you have broken my trust an unacceptable amount of times? How am I supposed to drop my standards that low?