How Blackout Drunk You’ll Get This Saint Patrick’s Day, Based On Your Zodiac Sign


Aries: March 21st – April 19th

You are going to get a big group of friends together to go bar hopping. You’ll wear shot glass necklaces, green headbands, or whatever other ridiculous costume items you can get your hands on. People might look at you like you’re obnoxious, but you don’t give a fuck, because you’re going to have the night of your life.

Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

You are going to watch a local parade with your closest friends. You might grab a drink or two with them after it’s over, but it won’t be anything crazy. Your friends are pretty tame. They might agree to mimosas, but they won’t want to take shots until the sun rises. That’s not their style.

Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

You are going to get drunk, but you’ll do it at home. You hate hitting bars on busy nights. You don’t want to be pushing and shoving your way through crowds the entire night. That’s not your definition of fun.

Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

You are going to wear green — but that’s all. You don’t have time to party. You have too much on your schedule. Even if somehow you end up going out, you’ll be the mom of your friend group, holding back your friends’ hair as they puke on the sidewalk.

Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

You are going to take some cute Saint Patrick’s Day pictures with whatever filter you can find on Snapchat. If you’re feeling adventurous, you might paint a shamrock on your face and take some Instagram pictures, too. But drinking is off the table. You don’t want a hangover the next morning.

Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

You are going to promise yourself you won’t get drunk this year. Since the holiday falls on a Saturday, you’ll plan to meet your friends for brunch and keep a slow pace. But those drinks will add up and by the end of the night, you’re going to be wasted anyway.

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

You don’t normally drink, but this is the one night when you feel like it’s supposed to be part of the celebration. It’s the one night where you give yourself the chance to let loose for a change. Your friends are going to see a whole new side of you, because you’re usually the responsible one, but you are going to try being the hot mess instead.

Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

If you’re being honest with yourself, you do a lot of drinking. You’ll go out on Saint Patrick’s Day, but it’s no different than any other weekend. You won’t get wildly drunk or anything. You’ll just get a little tipsy.

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

You will be the last person to leave the bar this weekend. The person who will pinch anyone who doesn’t wear green as a way to start up a conversation. It’s your night to shamelessly flirt with anyone and everyone — and you won’t feel embarrassed about it, because you won’t remember it in the morning.

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

You might agree to meet your friends when they invite you out for drinks at the last second, but you aren’t going to remember to wear green. You aren’t even going to remember it’s a holiday.

Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

You are going to tweet something funny about how wasted you’re going to get that night, but it’ll be a lie. You won’t even leave the house. You won’t even crack open a beer.

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

You are going to eat green bagels first thing in the morning, grab a shamrock shake for lunch, and have green beer with your corned beef and cabbage for dinner. That’s the right way to celebrate.