How Social Media And Short-Shorts Are Ruining Your Chances At Love


When I was a kid and someone said something that hurt me, I didn’t respond with a mean comeback. Instead, my response was simple and clean, ALWAYS garnering the result my immature heart wanted: “I could say something really mean right now, but I won’t.” What was that mean thing? I truly had no idea… I had no comeback! However, that response made the person who hurt me think of his or her deepest, darkest insecurity — shocked that I would even consider speaking of it aloud… which I didn’t, because I had no comeback… but boy did it shut them up.

Imagination: it’s a powerful thing.

But, you may ask, what in the world does that story have to do with social networking? I’m glad you asked. Here’s another story about a sweet, single millennial (let’s call her Alice), obsessed with Instagram and Snapchat. Alice is a great catch and at 24 years young, she’s finally ready for a real relationship. Unfortunately, due to that extra knowledge of Alice’s every move through her various social network postings, single dude (Jon), who had a love-at-first-sight moment with her at last year’s kickball championship, was not permitted the freedom to actively pursue his dream girl in ignorance… due to the threat of that well-groomed stranger she consistently looks so happy with in her Instagram posts.

Now, it turns out that random stranger was actually her second cousin-once-removed; however, since Alice failed to mention that in any of her posts, Jon was left with no other choice than to drunk-Tinder his own random stranger, fearing that he had no chance at winning Alice’s heart… and alas, Jon found a connection with this tatted-up Tinder gal and is now happily engaged. Alice, on the other hand, is still single and wondering where all the good ones have gone.

You see, when someone posts every moment of their life on social media, it eliminates all imagination. I know what that person is up to AND I know that they must not be enjoying themselves very much or they wouldn’t have a moment between laughter — or moans — to stop, take out their phones, and shoot a desperate picture proving how great their life is. There IS such a thing as OVER-communication. Harsh, possibly… but this is getting out of hand and the truth must be told.

Now you may be thinking… ok, I get it, you hate social media, but what does that have to do with short shorts?! Well, my dear friends, when a girl shows up in very short shorts (attractive or not), she is often sending a message that she is craving some attention. ”No,” you say, “YOU are a chauvinist pig, I wear short shorts because I like them. They empower me. I hold all the power.” Fine, to each their own, BUT when you wear them, the majority of the outside world views you as a sexual object. I can almost see up to your most private region… how could I not think of you sexually?!

“Hey,” you may reply, “it’s a competitive world out there and I need to get my future partner’s attention!” Well, if it’s love you seek (and let’s face it, isn’t that the universal endgame?), then note that I am most certainly not looking to get to know more about your life’s ambitions when you enter in those short shorts. I’m looking to get to know what lies beneath them. Unless I, unfortunately, have no desire because I am not a fan of what I am seeing… my loss. HOWEVER, all that could have been avoided.

You could have walked in wearing a sexy-but-not-too-revealing outfit.

We could have organically struck up a conversation, allowing me to get to know you on an intellectual level… what depth! And what a great sense of humor!!

And yes, I approached you because I was attracted to your beautiful face and I will admit, I appreciated your curves, but then I saw your eyes… breathtaking. You left something to the imagination and gave me the opportunity to learn that the reality was even better than expected… before ever catching a glimpse of your who-ha. Consider the possibility that we can imagine that (and more) without you laying it all on the line before even being asked for your number. Fashion trend or not, when out in public, if I can clearly see where your leg stops and your butt starts (at any age), well, Houston, we have a problem.

To recap: I should not know where you are, what you are thinking, and who you are with every moment of your life. Furthermore, I most certainly should not have the privilege of seeing the crevice of your buttocks before I even know your first name. What happened to modesty people?! How bad would it be if you simply covered up a bit and at least attempted to abstain from social networking on holidays and special occasions. If you are truly #blessed, then why the need to announce it to the world through social media? After all, you two are on your honeymoon… do we really need a selfie in front of the Eiffel Tower!? I mean, seriously, go have sex while enjoying a croissant!

The time hath come to bring back some of those old-school boundaries… they might be just what we all need to get us back on track. So when you feel the urge to reveal too much, think of that parent who harasses their kid about not giving it up on the first night. There is a method behind the madness. Leave SOMETHING to the imagination… you may be shocked and very pleasantly surprised at the results.