How To Avoid A Falling Out With Your Best Friend When You’re An Adult

Congratulations, you’re likely an adult and now you can’t walk away from friendships like summer camp just ended, you have to resolve conflict with your words, presence, and wisdom. Don’t have any of that? That’s fine, I have tons.

1. Go to sleep.

When shit goes down, like you covered for your roommate’s rent and they just uploaded a picture of themselves making it rain in Vegas, you have to calmly put your phone down and take deep breaths.

Emotionally-charged texting is the worst thing you could do right now. Have you been to YouTube and seen what happens when you don’t have to say words? And your friend’s in Vegas so they won’t get it till tomorrow morning, which is when you’ll wake up cooled off, refreshed, and with hours of REM sleep focused on the best response to this issue.

2. Don’t let it fester.

In a situation where you’re both butt-hurt and neither of you believes they’re truly in the wrong, waiting more than a few days to address a conflict only reduces the possibility for reconciliation. Because then you’re reaffirming your grievance, “I cannot believe they spent my rent money in Vegas, good riddance…they’re still paying me back, too.”

And so is your friend, “How dare they tell me what to do, just because I can’t pay rent one month means I shouldn’t have fun?” This logic will actually seem correct after a while, so even if you don’t think you should, make the first move towards resolution.

3. Establish if it’s worth it.

If this is one of your best friends of — I hate to put a number on it — 5 years or more, you have to consider how this ‘falling out’ reflects on your own character. Try this; imagine you run into Jessica from high school who you haven’t seen in years, and she’s like, “Oh wait, how’s your friend Taylor are you two still inseparable?”

And you say, “We actually kinda had a falling-out when they __________.”

If your conclusion to that response sounds like something you’d be embarrassed to say in the future due to its futility, then you need to reconcile, or else you’ll get laughed at by Jessica. She sucks.

4. Meet in person.

I recommend you meet in an open area, keep your hands in your pockets, and silence your cellphones because a pulsing vibration just makes the apology anticlimactic.

Take turns saying something that looks like this: “When you did ______, I think it made me feel _______ because _______.” Listen and adopt their point of view, and when you respond, get it all off your chest. Don’t stash any blackmail for future passive aggression, that’s a cheap move.

5. Laugh it off.

If you’ve both successfully suspended your prides, said everything you needed to say, and agreed that your friendship was worth more than one trip to Vegas, you’re now allowed to laugh at it. Not immediately, give it a couple weeks to get funny, but the laughter comes from a sense of relief that you’re still friends, and relief that you’re capable of forgiveness.