How To Be A Woman


1. Play dodgeball as a kid. You’re tough. Just because you duck doesn’t mean you’re afraid of getting hurt. This is how you win.

2. Do something that involves being on your knees, in dirt. You’re not afraid of dirt. He will look at you and see a lion and be in awe of you.

3. Then stand up. You do not need his awe.

4. If you get raped, share your story. Make sure your voice is heard. But don’t prosecute him. You’re above that. This is how you win.

5. Develop an interest in a male-dominated career. Then, do it better than him. Every man is waiting for you falter, to return to the womb, to fill yours. Do your part for us women. This is bigger than you.

6. Fall in love with a broken man, but don’t try to fix him. Show everyone how big your heart his, how you can love him despite his flaws, because of his flaws. Tell them he does not mean to be so broken. But you are not a control freak – that is a stereotype. You are not a stereotype. Love him still.

7. Know how to fall asleep with and without a man.

8. Show just enough skin. You are in control of your body, and what you wear should not dictate how men treat you. But, you are a woman with self-respect. Don’t show more than you would be willing to give. This is how you win.

9. Order a beer. Then another one. Don’t let him drink you under the table. You have nothing and everything to prove.

10. You can’t be everything for everyone; you can only be what you need to be for yourself. And what you need to be is everything. This is how you win.

Join the Patrón Social Club to get invited to cool private parties in your area, and the chance to win a four-person trip to a mystery city for an an exclusive Patrón summer party.

image – Jackie Furtado