How To Be Single And Happy (Instead Of Miserable)


1. Know your worth.

A lot of people say this all the time, but you have to know who you are and what your limits and standards are. It’s no good scraping the bottom of the barrel just so that you’re not single. Sometimes it’s the guy you’ve settled for who ends up breaking your heart. Which leaves you feeling disrespected because you know that you’ve settled for him and he’s gone and hurt you anyway. So if pain is inevitable, rather be hurt by someone special that you actually felt something for.

2. Have a ‘Power’ playlist.

I love making playlists because I don’t like having my entire music library on shuffle. Shuffle has zero intuition and can go from a high energy up-tempo song to stuff I listen to when I’m depressed. So I have to separate everything into playlists. Make a playlist of songs that make you go “Relationship for who? Not me!” (Daya’s ‘Sit still, look pretty’, Beyoncé’s ‘Sorry’ and Chris Brown’s ‘Zero’ are good starting points. I mean, the line ‘Now you’re missing what we used to have/You’ve been creeping around my Instagram’ in ‘Zero’ is genius.) Play them at full blast whenever those pesky Instagram relationship goals come up.

3. Don’t hate.

It’s a waste of time. Don’t go raining on everyone’s love parade because you don’t have anyone to post cute selfies with. Also, don’t put men down. Yes, maybe some of them suck and are disappointing in general (as humans usually are), but there are some good ones out there.

Hating on all of them just means you cement your supposedly ‘sad’ single status. You can just change your relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’ because it is so complicated deciding which series to binge-watch since you’ll never hear a “You don’t make time for us.” You have all this free time absolutely all to yourself. What do you do? Take over the world! *cue evil laugh*

4. Avoid relationship stuff like the plague.

If you like movies or books – don’t read or watch romance stuff. Just don’t do it. Go watch a Marvel film or animation movies (Space movies are also cool, namely The Martian and Interstellar). Nicholas Sparks is out of the question. Also start paying attention to the lyrics in your music. Overly-romantic Taylor Swift-type vibes? Bad idea. I love Hillsong and Planetshakers (because there’s nothing better than the love of Jesus) and EDM – because words are few and most of the lyrics don’t make sense. Or try classical music, see if it makes really makes you smarter then come back and let me know.

5. Avoid “How to get a guy to like you”, “Things that guys say are a turn-off”, “Biggest mistakes women make” articles.

They all reinforce the idea that you’re single because you’re not good enough and that you must start changing your behaviour to find someone. Every pot has its lid so there’s always a chance that you’ll find the one who was made just for you. And if it turns out that you’re a frying pan, well – thank goodness for pets, right?

6. Have good friends.

Have friends that accept you for the crazy person that you are. If they can know all sides of you and still love you, chances are that someone else can do the same.

7. Read He’s Just Not That Into You.

It’s a life changer (obviously after the Bible). Trust me. Don’t be lazy and watch the movie because it almost has no resemblance to the actual book. Reading it will save you a lot of time and heartbreak because almost-relationships and ‘frelationships’ can hurt twice as bad as normal ones. Single-ish is not a good place to be in. Embrace the singlehood and only give it up for someone who is just that into you.

8. Do whatever you want.

If it’s within the law and your own values and morals, just do it. If you want to wear makeup, do it. If you want to dye your hair blue, do it. If you want to cut your hair or go natural, do it. I mean, you’re already single as you are so you have nothing to lose by just doing what you want. Guys should learn that not everything that girls do with their looks is about them and your newly-empowered self is going to set that straight.

9. Have at least one big dream.

Then focus your attention on it. If you want to go backpacking through South-East Asia after you graduate – go for it! You’re in the position where you can just move to the city you’ve always wanted to live in and do whatever your heart desires because there’s no other opinion you have to consider except your own. Just take life as it comes before you have to start compromising. I believe that God has a plan for all of us and fulfilling our destiny is the main thing. You’re too awesome to dumb yourself down and not to fiercely go after your dreams just so you’re not that ‘intimidating’ woman. A guy who’s confident won’t be intimidated by your accomplishments. So dream a big dream, chase after it and then do it all again. So when you finally meet your husband he can brag about all the cool stuff you’ve done.

10. Stay grateful.

Appreciate all the other things you have going for you. Appreciate the talents that you have. So that even if you do get into a relationship and everything doesn’t go as planned, at least you’re still a talented and fabulous individual. Stay happy and thankful. Keep moving, develop your talents and remember that you’re worth more than the bottom-of-the-barrel, let-me-just-try-this-out relationship. Doing so doesn’t make you “picky.” Why should we look at men as if they are products on a shelf? As if when you can’t find the one you’re looking for you just buy the next available brand even if it’s not what you wanted? If we’re going with the products example – rather wait until they restock the shelves. Contrary to popular belief, men have feelings too. If you’ve settled you’re most likely not to be as invested in the relationship as you should be. Then break-ups happen and you’re right back at square one – single as a pringle.

Moral of the story: being single is okay.

There’s no way of knowing now if you’ll turn out to be a cat-lady so stay optimistic. Love will find you when it wants to. “Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.” (Song of Songs 2:7) So don’t waste your energy and your youth trying force a relationship into existence. Your time will come. But in the meantime, go out there and live.