How To Get A Boyfriend Job


(Note: The author of this essay is neither seeking employment or a significant other, nor does she think that searching for the latter is anywhere as important as the former. However, as a youngin’ in her early 20’s, it’s undeniable that these are two of the most common sources of stress in her peer group, so she has prepared a simple dialogue to relay to a friend going through either plight.)

Your last boyfriend job was a nightmare. So much drama! And you were always feeling like you were the only one putting in any real effort without any thanks. Good for you for getting out of there. But wait. Now what? You need to find someone something to occupy your time or the boredom will eat you alive. (Not to mention your ever-growing libido debt.) It’s time for you to get yourself out there again.

Be very conscious about where you’re setting your bar. You don’t want to aim too high and get crushed by your own lofty standards, but you also don’t wanna slum it. You think that a new boyfriend job will help you feel better about your current (lacking) state of affairs, but settling for a piece of crap that’s clearly below you will just crush the little self-esteem you’ve managed to hold on to during your dry-spell unemployment.

Put yourself out there. Go back and forth over how suspicious you are in letting the Internet help you in this search. ‘Do I really want to pay a website to help me find a man job? I don’t think so. Maybe I have some friends who know someone? How can I let my friends know that I’m looking without seeming too desperate? I can just casually work into conversation that I’m looking for something new and maybe they’ll have some ideas.  Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.’

Don’t let the search consume you. Don’t sit inside by the phone all day waiting for someone to call, get out there and be your own person (while still checking your blackberry twice an hour).  Enjoy your freedom while you have it. Buy an iced chai and peruse a used bookstore for two hours on a Tuesday afternoon. Constantly remind yourself that the grass is always greener and that once you get a new boyfriend job, you might miss all of this quality Me Time.

Keep your head straight when you find a promising lead. This is the most challenging part of the process. Your instinct tells you to call them every hour on the hour, but you gotta play it cool. You know that you’re a winner, but there might be several other winners who are also on this guy’s company’s radar so the next few steps are tricky. Keeping yourself in their mind without coming across as too needy or annoying will make or break this opportunity for you, so balance is key. Sending a nice email after your first time meeting with them is a great, but calling and asking when you can see them again right away may not be. Stay cool, girl. Stay cool.

Don’t fall to pieces if nothing comes out of this lead. ‘There will be other fish in the sea’, ‘it just wasn’t a good fit’, ‘sometimes things just aren’t meant to be’ – keep these with you as your mantras. Get yourself back out there with a smile and know that one day you’ll find something that clicks.

Let yourself be happy when the right one finds you. Everyone knows that love employment only comes around when you least expect it. Don’t overanalyze how long it’ll last or if it’ll take you where you want to go – at least not right away. You’re still young and you have a lot of relationships career opportunities ahead of you before you have to worry about settling down. Be happy that you found someone something to make you happy and keep you feeling stable and secure for the time being. After all, in a couple of months you’ll be sitting across a quiet dinner table at your desk thinking  ‘What happened to my Me Time?’

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image – Jes