How To Get Out Of Awkward Campus Interactions
Every college has a different hangout spot. Whether it’s the quad, student union, a certain dining hall, or underground janitor supply closet, there’s always that one place where people congregate.
Most of the time you’re chillin with your main crew, but inevitably you’re going to run into some awkward situations. So let’s run through some of the weirdest scenarios and I’ll tell you how to get out of them (my suggestions will probably make things more awkward).
1. Freshman Year Lunch Guy
The Situation: Remember that kid from freshman year? You guys were pretty close back then. Probably lived on the same corner of the hall, maybe played a little Xbox in-between class, dropped some acid in the stairwell, you know, the usual.
But your friendship disintegrated as you grew older. Now every time you see him or her on campus, you’ll say you need to get lunch and catch-up even though you both know it’s not gonna happen.
It’s just way more socially acceptable than, “Hey listen, we have some good memories. But we both are busy with our own social lives so maybe let’s just never hangout again?”
How To Get Out Of It: Make a really specific lunch plan. Ask if they want to get lunch on January 24th at 1:36 at the Rainforest Cafe (not sure if these restaurants still exist).
They’ll be caught off guard by your oddly specific plan and won’t know if they’re free. But they’ll appreciate that you’re offering an actual date rather than a less-than-sincere “next week.”
I have a friend who does this and damn if it isn’t the perfect trap. Can’t have lunch tomorrow? How about next Sunday. Can’t next Sunday? How about August 2016?
2. The Group Of People Who Think They’re Better Than You
The Situation: You come across that group of people who spurned you. Could be a greek organization, academic honor society, amateur juggling group (screw you, Boston University juggling club.* My routine was damn near perfect till you threw in that fifth ball), vegetarian club, future dictators of America, whatever.
*does not exist
How To Get Out Of It: Fake laugh at something in your head. Just pretend you thought of the funniest thing in the world and start cracking up. Definitely throws ‘em off. Next thing you know they’re offering you the club presidency.
You could also go with the fake yawn. It’s a very natural move.
3. Professor Who You Weren’t Chill With
The Situation: You see a former professor out in the distance. It’s just you and them in the walking path, so there’s no way to avoid the encounter.
It’s not that you disliked the professor or anything, it’s just that you didn’t really have a relationship with them. You’re also not entirely sure if he or she remembers you because the class was big and you didn’t stand out (should’ve gone to office hours, you bozo).
How To Get Out Of It: Go with a half-hearted head nod. if the professor acknowledges it, then great, you guys bonded with a little head nod action. If he or she doesn’t reciprocate, you can just fake like you were bumpin’ to your music or some shit. Your gesture was totally ambiguous anyway.
4. Person You Facebook Stalk
The Situation: We’ve all been there. You’re cruising along with your headphones in when you spot someone you virtually stalk. You can’t say hi because you don’t actually know the person, but ignoring them is weird too because maybe they’re a friend of a friend and you know they know you know them and they know you know they know you.
How To Get Out Of It: Shit, that was a mouthful. Anyway, just keep walking. They have no idea you know their birthday and social security number. Just don’t make it obvious.
5. Awkward Love Interest
The Situation: You’re on a crowded campus bus trying to get to class on time. Just trying to be a good student, nothing more nothing less. Till you make eye contact with that guy or gal who you may or may not have (you did) grinded with at that party.
How To Get Out Of It: Make lots of eye contact. Let’s call a spade a spade; your genitals touched. No other way around it.