How To Know If You’ve Met Someone With 200 Twitter Followers

 

First of all, be on the lookout for lonely people. Not just in the human sense, but in the sense that when they tweet, they describe themselves as being alone in a giant cave that is the internet, shouting their little thoughts into what basically amounts to a void. So that’s the first thing, these people with 200 Twitter followers, they’re very alone.

Another thing, they’re real crazy. Because when they see the tweet of someone who has thousands of followers and that tweet has no favorites, the person with 200 followers will begrudge their lot in life, mumbling, perhaps even shouting, “Well, look at this, if I had as many followers as this guy, my tweets would be liked by so many.” In other words, these people with 200 Twitter followers are grandiose like Kanye West, but less cool, and with 10 million fewer Twitter followers.

Know this as well, someone with 200 Twitter followers is always talking about how many Twitter followers they don’t have. Often you’ll hear them tell other people that it’s “just not fair” they have 200 Twitter followers when they are so many lame people who have thousands of followers. These people with 200 Twitter followers, how narcissistic can they get?

What else, well, a person with 200 Twitter followers is sad. Not only in their demeanor online, always striving and yearning, but also their real life is sad. It simply must be depressing if all they can manage online is 200 followers.

Another thing about someone with 200 Twitter followers is that they’re always worried. These people will scour the internet, pouring over the Twitter profiles of others who have in the thousands of followers. And how the person with 200 Twitter followers will plunge into despair when they see this editor or that publisher is following that writer or this editor and not them. Oh and then how they ask questions about themselves, wondering what it is they did to deserve their lot. Someone with 200 Twitter followers will go from profile to profile investigating all the connections. This is because a person with 200 Twitter followers has nothing else to do. Unemployed, someone with 200 Twitter followers has no vocation.

A person with 200 Twitter followers smells bad.

They can be disgusting too, like when a person with 200 Twitter followers follows fewer people than the amount that follows them? Does a person with 200 Twitter followers think he’s some kind of Bieber? No, he is not JB. He is not even a person. A person with 200 Twitter followers is an animal.

And another thing about someone with 200 Twitter followers. Whatever work of their own they publicize will be dumb and bad. Incompetent, that describes well a person with 200 Twitter followers.

As you’d guess, a person with 200 Twitter followers doesn’t have any friends. If they had friends, they’d have more followers. They could even have diseases, perhaps deadly ones. So these people are contagious, in the bad way.

A person with 200 Twitter followers is a pariah. They’ve done something that has made them unlikable and they are getting what they deserve, the dread of shouting into a void then constantly wondering what’s wrong with their life. Also, males who have 200 Twitter followers pee sitting down and all females who have 200 Twitter followers smoke during pregnancy.

I don’t mean to denigrate or embellish. These are just facts, the ways to know if you’ve met someone who has 200 Twitter followers. They are lonely, narcissistic, sad, unemployed, foul-smelling, incompetent, and contagious like herpes.

At least until they reach 500 Twitter followers, at which point all of their problems are solved.