How To Live An Easy Life

Arise from your bed after the third snooze. Walk over to the mirror and decide that you look great. Showering is unnecessary. Go to your closet and pick out the first thing that catches your eye. Forget about matching, lime green pretty much goes with everything. Check out which pair of shoes are the most comfortable. Put them on. Sperry’s for the office, why not! Comfort conquers fashion. Look at your bed and roll your eyes. No one is going to be in your room from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., who cares about it looking tidy. This is not a form of laziness; this is saving time and making life easy.

Walk into the kitchen and search for a breakfast item. Cheese omelet, blueberry pancakes, or perhaps a fruit parfait? No, no, and God no. How much time are we trying to waste here? Reach into the pantry and find the box of Hot Fudge Sundae PopTarts. The Greek yogurt craze is overrated and expensive. PopTarts = Carbs, Carbs = Energy. How easy was that math?

Arrive at the office and say hi to only a few people. Becoming too socially productive can elevate anxiety and an overwhelming amount of questions to answer like, “How was your weekend? How’s Jenny doing?” No one deserves that kind of public bombardment. Walk over to your desk and open up three tabs of different Buzzfeed articles. Don’t minimize your inbox; simply drag it over to the side for easy access necessary for a managerial scare.

Text Jenny and see how her day is going. She says she is going to go to the gym after work and asks if you want to join. Tell her you have to stay late since she probably wants to do a spin class and those only get exponentially more annoying and torturous as the weeks progress. Decline politely and tell her you love her. She replies with an “I love you too ;).” The wink face means she’s definitely not mad you declined and she is probably enthralled you said I love you first this time. It’s so easy when you finally figure out how everything works.

Do a moderate amount of work for the day and then tell boss you have to make it home in time to help prepare dinner for the girlfriend. Your boss is a softie and kindly abides your behavior of leaving early for the day. Take the elevator to the first floor even though your desk is on three. Go to the Italian restaurant Jenny loves and pick up two orders of Pasta Bolognese. A salad would be more pragmatic since your cholesterol is through the roof, yet you tell yourself “YOLO” and go with the spaghetti. You could work on your cooking skills, too, but pickup is honestly just so much easier. Jenny won’t care.

Plant the bags of food on the kitchen counter and kick off your shoes. Crack open a beer and turn on the T.V. until Jenny comes home. Jenny is great. Your parents love her and she takes care of you when you’re ill. She sends those cute little texts throughout the day and makes sure to always wear the Lola perfume you love. It’s easy to be with Jenny.

You love her, but you have trouble not talking to other girls. Jenny is beautiful, but you rather be single some days. You know that you’re probably hurting her, breaking her heart by not proposing, not saying I love you, not responding to her texts some days. But she is always going to be there for you. How are you supposed to believe that someone else will be as good as Jenny? Breaking up would be a train wreck and you don’t want to see her go through hell. It’s just easier to stay. It’s always easier to settle.

It’s easier to eat PopTarts, too. You love those things, how can anyone have the will power to switch to that yogurt stuff anyway? It’s easier to just get by at work. You know you won’t get fired since your boss loves you, why run yourself through the ground? It’s easier to watch T.V. then go to spin class, especially when you have to agonizingly listen to that annoying instructor’s voice for 60 minutes. These things are all just easier. This is how you live an easy life.

Settling is easy. Unhealthy is easy. Laziness is easy. The next time you come across a decision that seems ‘hard,’ good. You’re probably doing something right. Life is supposed to be hard. Decisions are made to be challenging. But you are always going to have this option of living an easier life. We all do. We are all capable of settling. Next time you’re wondering, do you really want to settle? Do you want an easy life? 

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