How To Love A Self-Doubting Woman


You are looking at your partner through the mirror. She is looking at her reflection, trying to figure out whether the dress she has on is the right fit for date night. “Do you think this looks good?” “You always look good, babe.” Another glance at the mirror. “The shape accentuates my stomach too much.” She goes back into the closet in search of a new outfit.

You see her as the most beautiful girl in the world. You love the way her eyes sparkle when she talks about her favorite subjects. You love the way she smiles when you make her laugh. You love all her curves, especially when she is wearing the clothes that make her feel the most confident. You love how she hugs with all of herself, not half-assing it. You love how her brain thinks and all the theories she has about the world. You love her ambition and drive to succeed with anything she puts her mind to. There’s so much that you love about her.

One problem: she doesn’t see it. Not one piece of it.

She doesn’t see herself as a special person. She’d rather be a fly on the wall than be the center of attention. She looks at her reflection and sees pain. She sees exhaustion. She sees all her life experiences written on her face. The one thing she sees the most is her flaws, the things that make her think that you will leave her and never speak to her again.

She thinks that maybe it’s her appearance. You don’t like her nose. You don’t like her eye color. You don’t like the way she dresses. She thinks maybe it’s psychological. Maybe you won’t like her favorite book. Maybe you don’t like her political affiliation. Maybe you won’t like all her thoughts. There are a myriad of things that can play into her self-esteem, and they might not even be something you did.

So what do you do in this situation? Just give her all the love you can. Something happened in the past that made her think that she isn’t worth loving. That she isn’t worth receiving the best in the world. But she is. And you know that. And you should make sure she knows that.

Don’t get mad at her if she doesn’t take a compliment well. She is just figuring out how to respond to it. Send her a text, letting her know that you are thinking of her and that she is loved and protected. Kiss her spontaneously, throwing her off-guard for a small moment. Leave love notes everywhere, so that she always knows how you feel about her. Let her know that your feelings are genuine.

When the time comes, she will come around and show you a new side of her. You will see a more confident woman who feels sexy in her own skin. You will see a woman who not only thinks but knows that she is worth being loved. She will let you in and you will find that you will love her even more than you ever did before.

If you start doubting whether all your effort is worth it, just know that she is worth all the effort. Every single piece of it. Remember that and you will have all the motivation you need to keep on going.

In time, she will believe in who she is. She will love you in a way you have never known before. She will become unstoppable. When she didn’t know who she was, you gave her the support to find that out. You let her know that there always was someone in her corner. You loved her when she didn’t know how to love herself. You made sure to show that all she needed was love and that you will never be anywhere else but with her. You gave her love, and that’s the best thing she will ever have in the world.