How To Wake Up To The Part Of You That You Haven’t Learned To Love


Your Gifts Are Disguised As Problems

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”– Buddha

I’d like to take you on a journey into yourself, to the part you haven’t learned to love. Reflect on a time where you experienced negative emotions such as anger, frustration, hate, anxiety, fear or worry? If you experienced these emotions more than frequently, you probably need self-love more than you realize. This is not a patronizing statement to minimize your self-worth. Any time we experience disempowering emotions, it is a call to wake up to parts of us we have ignored. Similarly, think of a time you were accused of something by another person and were offended by the allegation. Perhaps you retaliated in anger and inflamed the situation, thus experiencing a flood of toxic emotions. I use the words toxic and disempowering to describe lower emotional states, in contrast to emotions of a higher frequency such as love, peace, joy, etc.

What you consider challenging in your life is a gift disguised as problems, to bring you back to the wholeness of yourself. To reunite with the oneness of our being requires taking the journey into ourselves. It involves connecting with our forgotten self. We will recognize this part of us when we let go of the beliefs, ideas, and stories we believe to be true. This authentic self is real and we will recognize it the moment we get a glimpse of it. Often, people come into our lives to awaken us to our greater self. They are gift-bearing life lessons and experiences we didn’t know we needed until that time. They won’t appear in the form we expect, however, they will force us to examine the fragmented parts we dissociated with.

How Others View You Is Never About You

“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs, and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”– Kim McMillen

I experienced the following situation years ago which helped me to reconnect with parts of me I had overlooked at the time. I’d known my friend for many years, yet there was a point in our friendship where he was constantly criticizing me for my life choices. This caused tension between us and there came a point where I was ready to abandon the friendship altogether because of the constant criticism. I felt as though our friendship had disintegrated beyond repair and I was ready to walk away. However, looking back, I realise my friend was a gift in a form I didn’t recognize. He forced me to look deep within myself and heal the part of me I was at war with. I was easily offended by his criticism and felt justified because of the hurt I experienced. I neglected to realize the negative emotions were really a mask inviting me to love and integrate my fractured parts. On some level I possessed the qualities he was criticizing in me, otherwise, I wouldn’t have been offended by it. Have you noticed when somebody judges you for something you believe is untrue, you are less likely to take offense because it seems ridiculous? This happens when we integrate the fractured parts of our psyche into the oneness of our being.

Awaken From Your Sleep

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”– Thich Nhat Hanh

When we are judged by another person, they too possess that quality we are being judged for. If we are insulted, we are identifying with the judgment and must heal that part of ourselves. So when others point the finger at us, it is symbolic of directing us back to ourselves. It may not seem that way at the time because our ego is inflamed. However, if we allow the dust to settle and look deep into ourselves, we will realize the seed of what we are being accused of is present within us. Our accusers may appear like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, yet they are a gift because they force us to come home to ourselves, instead of identifying with our unintegrated parts. If it hurts to hear what they are accusing you of, it means you are not seeing how that quality can help you awaken from your sleep.  It is calling you to let go of judging yourself and love the part of you that is: hurt, angry, betrayed or let down. I’m not suggesting you not be upset by their accusations because this would be insensitive of you. I’m inviting you to feel the pain and look deep within yourself to heal the part of you that is irritated by the pain.

It was the Buddha who proclaimed centuries ago: “Painful feelings arose, but they did not invade my mind and remain.” Part of you wants to come home to your core self. This part is the integration of all that you are and will ever be. It is awaiting your return when you let go of the storyline the ego espouses. The process of awakening and enlightenment requires seeing past the falsehoods of the ego and reuniting with the wholeness of your core nature.