I Am Not A Yes Girl


You called me a “Yes Girl” in a cruel text months of after our relationship had ended, terming me a girl who says yes to things out of obligation, out of wanting to fit in with others, and out of fear of being left behind for following my heart instead of the crowd

I read it, blocked you immediately, and found you mistaken in your assessment of both who I currently am and who I am evolving into as a woman. I am not a Yes Girl, I am a Woman Who Can Say No When Needed And Necessary.

You called me a “Yes Girl” who says yes to dates because she was asked, yes to sex because it was wanted, and yes to love that she doesn’t feel in her heart, mind, and soul is right for her because it was desired by at least one party.

Instead, I am a woman who dates who she truly wants to, saying no to those who treat the dating landscape like a buffet of attractive individuals to sample at their leisure, engages in sex when and how she wants to, putting her pleasure front and center, saying no to those who treat sex as an obligation of dating or feel as if it’s owed to them, and a woman who doesn’t give out love freely, holding it close to the vest until she truly feels it for a partner.

You called me a “Yes Girl” who eats what is on her plate in full, no matter how it hits her taste buds, how the food feels on her tongue and coats the enamel of her teeth, and how it digests in her stomach.

Instead, I am a woman who eats what she likes in the amounts that she wants to, politely declining to try dishes she doesn’t want to, enjoying the digestion process all the way through.

You called me a “Yes Girl” who elects appearing trendy over authenticity in order to fit in, a girl who isn’t sexy, just pretty and full of takes that only engage others on a surface-level , and a girl who stuffs down her opinions to avoid conflict with others.

Instead, I am a woman who owns preferring NSYNC and other early aughts pop music to modern tunes, choosing not to listen to music that doesn’t appeal to her just to fit in, a woman who is open to discussing her views on various topics and sees herself as opinionated and articulate, and a woman who can both twerk and write pieces that resonate with others, owning all parts of who she is.

You called me a “Yes Girl” who lets toxic people re-enter her life in spite of the pain they have inflicted on her, who is too quick to forgive, and who is too quick to give out second or third chances.

Instead, I am a woman who says no to toxicity from any source it emanates from, gives second chances to those who deserve it, but not third or fourth ones, and forgives when the behavior is remedied.

You called me a “Yes Girl” who’s a pushover, a people-pleaser.

Instead, I am assertive, upfront, and honest, while keeping my kindness, enthusiasm for life, and genuine joy in getting to know others fully intact.

Instead, I am a woman who knows “no” is a full, complete answer to all suggestions, questions, and declarations, but will say “yes” to those that she truly wants to engage with.

Instead, I am a woman who is sure of who she is, where she is headed, and is not characterized by others.

You may have thought I was a Yes Girl, but you were wrong—I am a woman, one who knows how to fix her mouth to say “no,” and one who has grown stronger from your hurled insults and cruel name-calling.