I Don’t Want To Be The One That Got Away

I don’t want to be the one that got away. Let me be the one who stayed.

It somehow feels nice to be someone’s the one that got away, like you are a person’s biggest regret, a love that he shouldn’t had let go of. No love can compare to you. You were his greatest love and heartbreak. But I don’t want to be that.

I want to be the one who chose to stay, the one who was fought for. I don’t want a love that comes and goes. I need a love that may not always be consistent but never leaves when times are hard, instead chooses to hold you closer. I need a love that is gentle and patient, a love that will still choose me, a love that will remind me that it’s okay when I can’t love myself. I need a love who can hear my silence, a love that understands my need to be alone.

I’ve always loved solitude but I have grown to love it even more. When you’ve experienced so much hurt you just feel the need to become the best version of yourself. You try to love even the ugliest parts, the ones you hide so much. You try to embrace all that you are. But you don’t stop there. You try not just to love those ugly parts but you also change them slowly. It’s so beautiful when you love yourself but it is even more beautiful when you give yourself a chance to change, to let your potentials become you.

With all those things said, I think finding someone better than my solitude, someone who is willing to love all of me will be tough. But I am all about the tough times. It gives things and people more value when they are fought and worked hard for. I won’t let myself settle for something or someone that doesn’t make my heart feel alive. I will wait. I will trust that He will give what I deserve in His perfect time.