I Found An Old Project Of Mine And Someone Asked Me If I Had A Crush On Grimes


The sun is beating down on the right side of my body. I can feel myself sweat. I forgot how it is like to be outside, under the sun, in the summer, in New York City. Working in an office and working from home, I am shielded from the sun and the heat and the noise. Instead, I am subjected to intermittent internet outages and the slow, constant drip of the upstairs neighbors’ air conditioner water hitting my air conditioner.

I read an article from Fast Company about how working at a cafe helps boost creativity. I read it while I was on the elliptical this morning. I’m going back to the gym later tonight. I had an entire box of Trader Joe’s macaroni and cheese by my lonesome. I added pepper and a lot of hot sauce.

I’ve been feeling defeated lately, I’m not sure why. I think it has to do with the amount of emails I’ve been getting. That and I haven’t had time all week to sit down and process what’s been happening in my life. To be quite honest, I haven’t been doing anything particularly new, except maybe work at cafes more often. I think it has to do with increase of coffee in my diet (I went from maybe one cup to maybe 3-4 cups a day).

The sun is still beating down the right side of my body. I will have an uneven tan.

I “rediscovered” an old project of mine, where I “interview” dead authors. I reread it and I laughed. I laughed especially at the one where Hemingway says Cinnabon is a fine establishment.

Have you ever wondered where your “creativity” goes when you are in a slump? I wonder about that quite often. I wonder, How was I able to do this? I can’t see myself doing this today. I suppose it’s because we’re at a different point in our lives than we were before. You see, when I started that project, I was doing a different project, which was me basically reading one book a week or as many as I could in one year. I think I made it up to the 50s and lasted just the summer. I miss going to my university library. They had some great books. If you can, abuse that privilege. You’ll regret it if you don’t later in life.

I tell myself, You are your worst critic.

Sometimes, I’ll write something on a whim and people think it’s brilliant. And I’ll hate it. I hate people for that. When I put a lot of work into something, people won’t read it. I hate people for that.

Chelsea asked if I have a crush on Grimes. I don’t know what Grimes looks like. (She just put Grimes’ photo in chat.)

I just asked if Grimes is seapunk. (I don’t know what seapunk means.) Chelsea is googling “seapunk”.

A man is sitting behind me and he was on the phone for about 40 minutes describing his trip to Disneyland.

There is no bathroom at this cafe, so I had to pack all of my stuff up, go to a different cafe, use their bathroom and come back here. I tipped the other cafe $2.00 for using their bathroom. One of the baristas gave me a very confused look. I almost said, “Thank you for letting me use your bathroom,” but I had walked in without saying a word and headed to the bathroom. The bathroom was unusually low; I mean, the sink, the toilet, the soap dispenser, they were about 4-6 inches lower than what you’d normally expect. Was this designed with children in mind? I wondered.

We’re arguing about when seapunk became a “thing” on the internet.

Koty says 2011. Brandon said it’s been “around forever”.

I know Chelsea googled “seapunk” (I did too), but I don’t think we really care about the subculture.

A lot of people walk by and stare at me staring at them while I’m typing this sentence. There have been a number of people on bikes pedaling up Allen St. They seem to be enjoying the breeze. It’s sunny and bright outside. The radio is playing. Kurt Cobain is singing, “In the sun, in the sun, married…”