I Have A Mini Heart Attack Whenever I See Someone Who Looks Like You

We haven’t seen each other in ages, but you’ve left such a huge indent on my heart that it’s hard to stop thinking about you. I guess that’s why I see your face whenever I take a quick glance at a stranger. And I guess it’s why I have a mini heart attack whenever I see someone who resembles you in even the smallest way.

I see you everywhere I go.

When I’m at work, I watch every customer who walks through the front door, keeping an eye out for you. And whenever I’m walking through the mall, I mistake every other passerby for you. It doesn’t matter if the only thing they have in common with you is your hair color, because my brain will trick me into thinking it’s you. And for that half-second, when I believe we’re going to be face-to-face again, I can’t catch my breath. Just the idea of you sends my lungs into a frenzy.

I don’t know what I’d do if I actually saw you.

If your imposters make me lose my mind, then imagine how badly my body would react if I actually saw you in the flesh. Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do or what I’d say. Would I flirt? Or would I act like I didn’t give a shit about you? Even more importantly, how would you react? Would you walk over, hug me, and tell me how badly you missed me? Or would you walk right past me and act like you didn’t even see me? I don’t know if I want to know the answer.

It doesn’t feel like it’s over between us.

Maybe I’m just fooling myself, but it feels like our story hasn’t ended yet. I don’t know if the missing piece involves a teary-eyed reunion or a brutal fight, but I feel like we have more to say. More to do. I can’t accept the fact that you’re gone for good. Maybe I feel this way, because I haven’t gotten the closure I need, or maybe I’m actually onto something. Maybe we aren’t finished with each other yet.

You’re always on my mind. Always.

I hate to admit it, even to myself, but you’re all I think about. You might be lodged in the back of my mind, but you’re still there. Why else would I mistake every stranger for you, even if that stranger is twice your height and twice your age? It’s because you’re there, swimming around in my subconscious. You haven’t left my mind and you haven’t left my heart, either. I don’t know if you ever will.

There’s hope hidden inside of my terror.

As much as I act like seeing you would be the end of the world, I secretly want it to happen. I want it so fucking badly. I want to lock eyes with you. I want to breathe in the same air as you. I want you to remember that I exist, that I’m still apart of the same universe as you, even though I’ve been out of sight and out of mind. I want you back in my life, if only for a day. If only for a second.