I Hope You Still Think Of Me

It scared me how quickly we became strangers again.

Exactly what we were before. Strangers, and then we met. And we became acquaintances, and then a friend’s friend, and then Facebook friends. I don’t remember how we started talking, or when Facebook friends blurred into real life friends and then into something so much more. But it did.

You were my best friend, lover, confidante, everything rolled into one sparkling human being. You were the person I wanted to come home to after a long, tiring day. You were the arms I fell into with familiarity. You were the voice that could soothe my anxiety. You were the warmth I sunk into on cold, rainy nights. You were my home.

And, I was your best friend, lover, confidante, everything compressed into this tiny 5’0 human being. I was the person you could come home to after a long, tiring day and we’d have a pizza, rant, and just be. I was the arms you’d wrapped your longer, stronger arms around. I was the voice you would call up whilst drunk, just to tell me how much you love me. I was the warmth to your cold. I was your home.

And, the truth is, it always scared me. How much we had become a part of each other’s lives despite meeting only a year ago. And as the years went by, I couldn’t imagine not knowing anything about your day, or what was happening in your life. I couldn’t imagine not coming home to you, and your familiarity. I couldn’t imagine a life where you weren’t the one voice I needed to hear on one of those days. I couldn’t imagine a life where I was sleeping in a cold, empty bed. I couldn’t imagine life without you anymore.

And yet, here we are. Living our lives, strangers again.

I wonder about you from time to time. What are you up to? Have you managed to reconcile with your father? Are you seeing someone new? Do I ever cross your mind? Are you happy?

I hope you are. And I hope you did, or will do, everything you always said you wanted to when we were together. I hope you are well, and that you’ve found someone to love, who loves you more. I hope she treats you well. I hope you’ve found that peace you were searching for. But mostly, I hope I cross your mind sometimes.

But for now, here we are, strangers, again.