I Hope You’ll Remember Us When We Were Happy


I miss you.

For the past week, I have barely been able to sleep without constant dreams of you.

I didn’t know what to say when we spoke. I was afraid and confused. My heart stopped when you said what you said, and I’m afraid it may not beat the same way again.

Misunderstandings happen. They happen all the time and it takes patience to smooth them out. That’s what I thought this was. I thought this would all blow over and we would be okay. I know it’s hard to deal with me and I’m sorry for being so difficult, but could you blame me for pushing away at times when I feel like I could get hurt?

I love you. I don’t know how much or how little, but it’s just enough to keep me awake at night and make me believe in impossible dreams.

I think of you throughout moments of each day, wondering and hoping that, maybe, you are thinking of me too. You have been there for me when, at times, I couldn’t be there for myself.  I hope in some, small way, I have been able to do the same for you. I want you to know that I believe in you. I hope for you. Please, don’t be so hard on yourself and be kind to yourself because the time will come when all the things you want now will be yours.

I want to beg you to change your mind. I want to tell you it will be different and that it will be all we imagined and more.

I’m fighting everything in me not to get on a plane and tell you how much you mean to me and that the way I feel about you, this overwhelming mixture of emotions, is something worth fighting for.

I want to tell you that I wish you would fight for me; that I want you to fight for me because you are everything to me and some part of me wishes you felt the same.

You know I’d pack my bags and get there somehow if I thought it would change your mind, but I’m scared to death it won’t.

I want to keep you. I want you to hold me and promise me a world together, but some impossible things are just that.

For now I’ll just imagine. I’ll imagine waking up and falling asleep to the sound of your voice. I’ll imagine exploring new cities with you. I’ll imagine midnight walks, holding your hand, and pretending that no one else in the world exists except for us.

And if by some chance or circumstance, we meet each other again in some vague and distant future, I hope you’ll remember us as we once were – happy.