I Love You, But I’m Not Taking Your Name


You did not fall in love with a woman who was an extension of you. We are coming together, not becoming the same.

You did not fall in love with a woman who was a gentle breeze. Take me for my chaos.

You fell for me. You fell in love with my aloofness. You fell in love with my smile and how I encouraged yours. You fell in love with my touch, my gaze, my voice. You did not fall in love with my name.

All I ask of you is that you take me, the woman you fell in love with, as I am. Let me grow and change with you. Let me cry and laugh with you.

We can stay up watching old TV shows, eating popcorn, stealing kisses. We can hold each other and make time to share our thoughts. We can grieve. We can share sadness. We can share happiness. We can face financial turmoil. We can struggle. We can overcome anything. I don’t need to take your name for that.

Many have told me I am selfish. That I should do it “for the kids” or to “save face.” But I am not swayed. Why should I give up my name and take yours? I have yet to get an answer aside from, “just because.” But you didn’t fall in love with a “just because” woman.

You love my outspokenness, my conviction, my passion for life. I am not a woman without a name. I have one. Marrying you is not the end of me, it is the beginning of a new chapter.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose would smell as sweet.” What’s in a name? My family. My roots. My past. My identity. Yours holds the same meaning. I love you. I adore you. But I’m not taking your name. There’s more to us than that. Our marriage will not be held together by a name, but by our conviction, passion, love, and an enduring love. One born from two people who came together. From you. From me. Coming together as we are.