I Never Expected To Lose You

Never did I imagine what it would be like to lose you… because never in a million years did I ever expect to lose you.

But the day you left… boy, did it hurt. I would take any physical pain over this. I’d get my wisdom teeth removed three times again if it could replace this dull, never-ending ache in my heart.

I think both people in every relationship have a clear understanding of how emotionally invested each person is. They can tell how deep each person’s love for the other is; they can tell how each person would handle the break up if it ever were to occur. Both people know if the other would feel upset briefly but would bounce back quickly, or whether the other would be a complete and utter wreck.

You knew I would be the ladder.

I don’t know how you could do this to me. It baffles me, actually. You knew what I was going through prior to this, how vulnerable life has made me. It blows my mind how someone could solicit so many empty promises, give so much false hope, all while experiencing no guilt at all. Your last words were that you don’t mean to hurt me. Yeah, well nice try. Because you did.

How did you expect me to feel? Did you think I’d shrug my shoulders and respond with an, “okay, thanks for the memories?” You were my everything, and then in the blink of an eye, you became my nothing. You snatched away what we had so easily, no sweat, as effortlessly as taking a breath.

And that’s the worst part. Realizing that the so-called feelings you claimed to have for me were so weak and so shaky; their hollowness allowed you to leave me like it was not a big deal in the slightest. You have the privilege of smiling and living your life, while I’m just… stuck.

They say time heals everything. I’m sure it does. As days pass, the pain will subside, and I’ll finally gain some clarity. But in this present moment, I can’t ignore how agonizing and excruciating this hurts. I can’t ignore it, because no matter how hard I’ve always tried, my heart and my mind don’t allow me to feel numb.

So for now, I wait. I wait to overcome this and I wait to feel okay again. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover the girl I was before you entered my life, but within time, I know I’ll meet the girl who’s stronger, braver, and ready to give her heart to someone who’s worth it.