I Once Went On A Date With A Guy Who…



Told me about his weekend vacation at Detox.

Drank 11 beers.

Was named Garth.

Asked me to drop him off at his weed dealer’s at the end of the night.

Wore rings (plural).

Asked me how to spell ‘sign.’ (This one made me really sad, which was kind of a mood killer).

“Didn’t have a lot of money” because he’d recently paid someone $9k for punching them in the face.

Asked if I wanted to have a threesome with his roommate.

Asked for my address and “which window was mine.”

Brought another dude.

Told me that “gay people are disgusting” and that “homosexuality is a sin.”

Wore a shirt that my dad owns (sorry my dad isn’t like a frumpy dude, but this dude was considerably older than me and it freaked me out).

Showed up 35 minutes late and talked about his “buddy’s cool boat” the entire time.

Told me not to order a drink unless I wanted to give him cash (what?).

Asked me how often I masturbate.

Bragged about how he is “basically a father figure” to his nephews and then couldn’t remember their names.

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image – MichaelBmxking