I Thought You Were Going To Hurt Me Like Everyone Else

It took a long time for me to get close to you because I thought you were going to turn out like everyone else. I had no idea what you would grow to mean to me. I thought you were only going to be in my world for a temporary amount of time before leaving me on my own again.

I thought you were going to hurt me like everyone else, which is why I accidentally ended up hurting you. I didn’t give you as much as you deserved in the beginning. I didn’t answer your texts as soon as they came through. I didn’t agree to meet you every time you asked about my weekend plans. I resisted making a home for you in my heart for a long time.

I didn’t want to get attached to you at first because I assumed it would be a mistake. I assumed leaning on you was an easy way for me to get my heart broken again. I assumed you were playing me like the ones who came before you.

It never crossed my mind you could be different, you could be better, you could be worth the trouble. I had been strung along and cheated on so many times in the past that it started to feel like a pattern. I assumed history would keep repeating itself for as long as I let myself fall in love — so I tried my hardest not to love you.

Of course, you made that impossible. There were times when I tried my hardest to push you away, but you offered to stay. There were time when I snapped at you because of my own fears and insecurities and baggage, but you gave me the benefit of the doubt. There were times when I wasn’t sure whether I had what it takes to be a part of a committed relationship, but you stuck around to prove me wrong.

I wish I was’t so harsh on you in the beginning, but I had no idea how sweet you were. I thought your kindness was an act you would drop as soon as you got what you wanted from me. I thought you would ghost me once you were finished playing games.

I didn’t realize everything you said to me was authentic. I didn’t realize your compliments were genuine and your feelings for me were as real as you claimed. I didn’t know you were going to be the one to make me believe in love again, the one to break my bad habit of thinking the worst. I had no idea you were going to turn my world upside down.

I thought you were going to hurt me like everyone else but you ended up surprising me. You surprised me by staying. You surprised me by being consistent. You surprised me by loving me for longer than anyone else ever has. You surprised me by proving not everyone in this world has such a cold heart.