I Want To Give Myself Permission To Be Happy

Hey, you. I mean, me. Uh, TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN, I’m talking to the man in the mirror, etc. etc.

Hi, me.

You have a lot of issues, dude. You always have. Remember when, as a teeny tot, you’d stare at the ceiling while in bed and calculate the chances of random death? You were morbid. You saw everything as a possible threat. And I know it made you feel like a weirdo (to be fair, it is weird), but you eventually grew older and discovered tons of other peoples have issues too! We’re in one giant club. We have customized t-shirts.

Some stuff you medicate for (what up Zoloft thanks for LITERALLY saving your life!!). Some things are just bizarre (you are afraid of snails, lol). You’ve looked for cures in people and exercise and candles from expensive Los Angeles shops. But nothing works forever. Maybe it’s not supposed to. Baby, you were born this way. *hair flip*

You’ve spent a lot of time thinking you’re programmed to be unhappy. Yes, you’re clinically depressed. You’re anxious. You make bad decisions and hide when shit hits the ceiling. You cannot handle confrontation and have ghosted opportunities that you realllllly shouldn’t have.

You’ve got issues, we already established that.

But you can be happy.

You can be happy because happiness is not a prolonged state. It comes in flickers and waves and, when one is really lucky, it’s a frequent visitor. Your issues do not cancel out happiness. Your anxiety, your depression, your snail phobia, none of that is going to keep you from satisfaction. Not going to keep you from falling in love again and being a fantastic partner. You don’t cut yourself enough slack for your empathy. You forget the kindness struggling has taught you. You forget the gentleness.

You’re not Giselle. You’re not always gonna be beaming and shiny (on the inside, you’re a good faker outside). But there’s such goodness in you. There’s such a desire to love and be loved and take care of people. There’s a joy and ridiculousness. You’ve got an abundance of humor and lip syncs. You care for people and not because you think you should, because you just do.

You want to be happy and it’s been a long time since you’ve allowed yourself that fantasy.

It can be real, you know? I think it’s what you’re feeling right now.