I Will Never Again Lose Myself For You

I stumbled upon an old photograph of you and me, in which our smiles were frozen as if they were meant to stay like that for the rest of our lives. However, I need to accept that we went our separate ways, and we were meant to be apart.

I was lost in a big city with unfamiliar streets, large buildings, and a sea of strangers who don’t know my name. I was lost in the jungle with no concrete path to lead me back home. I was lost in every moment I spent with you. I was lost in the night’s darkness, even though I was wrapped up in your arms. I was lost in the depth of my thoughts, wondering how I felt so lonely with you by my side. I was lost in my mind every time the sun went down.

I was lost even before you came, but I thought that I would find peace and serenity with you by my side. But, as time went by, I felt more agony than joy, and I knew that wasn’t the happiness I longed for.

I lost a piece of myself every time you fell. I lost a piece of myself every time I decided to catch you. I lost a piece of myself every time I chose to ignore my pain to please you. I lost a piece of myself every time I said that I was fine. I lost pieces of myself every time I chose you. Every time I disrupted my peace to save you. Every time you said you understood but your actions said otherwise.

I lost a piece of myself each passing day. I told myself that it would get better, but every waking day feels like a repetition of yesterday. I lied to myself and put my guard up so that you could fall anytime you liked.

I packed my bags and said my goodbyes because I lost more and more of myself, my peace, my serenity, when I thought I could find them in you.

I finally dared to admit that you no longer bring me peace. I can finally admit that I am still healing, but you won’t heal my wounds. I finally realized that I should be my own peace. I finally realized that I should be the one healing the scars that I still bare. I finally realized that in this chaotic world, only I can find myself.

I am finding pieces of myself in places I have never been to. I will continue to search for parts of myself in big cities with unfamiliar streets. I will continue to discover myself in strange lands with beautiful beaches. Because the only person that I needed to find was myself.

I am now choosing myself before you.

I will no longer keep your memories.

I will no longer abandon my needs.

I will no longer choose you over me.

I will no longer choose to ignore the emotions that I should feel.

I am now choosing to find the peace I had been craving.

I will continue to keep my serenity.

I will continue to keep my solitude.

I will continue to keep my tranquility in the freedom that I have given myself.

I will continue to save the person that I lost trying to save every part of you.

I will continue to save the person that I lost trying to keep you on your feet.

I will continue to keep myself rather than losing every piece of me for you.

I lost more and more of myself when I chose you over me. In my loneliness, I will find my peace, my serenity, and myself. Never again will I lose myself for you.