If CrossFit Is So Bad, Why Do I Look So Good?

Lately I’ve read a multitude of articles detailing the atrocity that is the CrossFit craze; and yes, I CrossFit. I’m a CrossFitter. I love CrossFitting. CrossFit is part of what I do and who I am. Physical fitness is something I’m passionate about and a key factor in my identity. Now before you get your Spandex in a wad, I’m not forcing the CrossFit Kool-Aid down your throat. But here are the top four reasons you should get off the CrossFit Hate Train:

1. It’s Less Dangerous than Walking in Heels

Anyone who knows me is keenly aware of the fact that I am clumsy. On more than one occasion I have busted my ass walking into my office, out of a bar, or taking out the trash. I have sustained greater injuries, i.e. a sprained ankle, from trying to walk in 5 inch heels than I have from back squatting 200 lbs… I’m 5 feet, 130 lbs… come at me bro.

On a daily basis there is no one watching my form while I traverse treacherous sidewalks in cute shoes. But at CrossFit there is always at least one dedicated coach critiquing my every move. Yes, there are bad coaches out there and the CrossFit world is not perfect. It’s your job as a grown-up to ensure you’re getting the help you need and scaling the workouts to your ability. Take some responsibility.

2. It’s Cheaper than Cocaine 

Everyone always comments about how expensive CrossFit is. I won’t disagree that it is more expensive than your average YMCA or Planet Fitness, but comparing the two is like comparing apples and alpacas. The service and end product are completely different. Your average CrossFit class has ten people per coach; that’s essentially small group personal training, while you get zero personal attention at your run-of-the mill Globo Gym. It’s a simple economics lesson—I have determined what price I am willing to pay for the service provided; supply and demand y’all. Do what you want with your money and I’ll do what I want with mine.

Not to mention, the idiotic shit I’ve seen people do in front of the obnoxious wall to wall mirrors at the gym just doesn’t happen at a CrossFit box. You have a coach explaining the technique, guiding the workout with a purpose. Sure, maybe you don’t see the point in flipping a 300 lb tire. But I don’t see the point in you flailing around your resistance bands like a dying flamingo.

3. We Give you Something to Look at 

Do yourself a favor and Google Rich Froning or Camille Leblanc-Bazinet. Those are more than just beach muscles. Those bodies are the epitome of a beautiful physical specimen. You have CrossFit to thank for that. I may not have the same chiseled physique as these athletes, but I’ve got enough definition that I definitely look half decent in a bikini. CrossFit has given me a level of self-confidence that is unprecedented.

4. We’re Cutting the Crime Rate 

The simplest definition of CrossFit is “exercise.” As Elle Woods so accurately put it “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.”  I dare you to meet me in a dark alley way on a day I miss the gym. Last time I checked I barely meet the height requirements for all the rides at Disney World, but I will cut somebody if I don’t get to workout. Endorphins feel AWESOME! At the end of the day, why do you care how I exercise? I may think running a marathon is stupid. Frankly, I despise running, but I have the highest respect for someone who can lace up their sneakers and pound the pavement for hours. If Yoga is your thing, well Namaste on… don’t I deserve a little respect too?

Long story short, no one is forcing you to love CrossFit and it annoys the fuck out of me that people are routinely preaching CrossFit as a sign of the apocalypse. I’m an adult and know what I like and what works for my body. Now excuse me while I go lift some heavy ass shit.