If You Have To Consult An Internet List About Whether He Really Likes You…

Ladies, please, enough with the articles about men who don’t care about you. If I have to see one more list titled something along the lines of “22 reasons he may, might, probably is into your panties and not you” I’m going to blow my top.

Stop staring at your phones trying to figure out if “okay” is more significant that “k”. Stop reading lists about little ‘signs’ that he might actually like you. 

If he only calls when the owls come out to play then he doesn’t give a flying fiddle. And you know that, don’t you? But instead of facing the cold, hard, facts, you twiddle your thumbs waiting for your knight-in-nothing-but-boxers to burst through the door and sweep you off into the sunrise. He wants some tail, not a fairy-tale. I don’t feel bad for you and you should stop feeling bad for you and trying to make your friends feel bad for you.

It’s time to grow up and be rational and practical. This isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie.

If it starts raining while you’re rowing a boat, you yell “shit” and try to get to shore and shelter as soon as possible- you don’t fight and then make out while continuing to stand in the downpour. This isn’t kindergarten- boys don’t cut your hair in class or throw rocks at you on the playground because they like you. They ignore you and blow you off because they actually aren’t interested. And when they finally do get in touch, it isn’t because they changed their mind — it’s because they have an itch and you have a backscratcher.

But hey, the bright side is that not all men (or women) are like that. When you bitch about boys you’re actually just bitching about the only ones you let yourself have the pleasure of knowing. Once you realize all of these things, you may start to see the light of day and realize that you have control over a lot of the times you get fucked over or not.

If he asks for sex, assume that’s all he wants, because honey he didn’t ask for anything else. And if you’re into that — go for it! If not, save yourself the trouble and remind yourself that you have too much homework to do to read “13 reasons why he sends one-word texts”.