If You Stay, If You Go

If you stay I’ll be yours forever or for as long as you want me. Once I fully open that door and let you into this side of my little world, I need to know you are in it with me because I will fall absolutely in love with you. Showing someone that side of me takes a lot of courage and Its hard to get to that level of trust. You have the kindest heart and you always make me feel safe even when my world is crashing down.

If you go, I know you are doing what’s best for you. The doctor visits can be a lot. Sometimes I struggle with talking about them and just how I am actually feeling beyond “I’m fine.” I can be short when I’m hurting but give no explanation. Caring for someone and being there for someone while they endure such a thing can be emotionally and physically exhausting as well. If you need to go, go.

If you stay I will love you fiercely and endlessly. Within a month of knowing you I knew. I knew that I love you. I love you because you are my best friend. The person that I fall into after a long day, my home. But most of all, the person that I love more than anything. You have had my heart since the second night of college and I don’t want it back. I want all of you for as long as you will let me.

If you go, I’m happy for you. Always put yourself first. In the end, I want nothing more for you than for you to be happy. I want you to find someone that you could see yourself down the line with, someone that will make you feel safe and whole. Someone that will make you smile even after fights. I want you to find someone that feels like home to you.

If you stay I will always put you first. I understand how draining this can all be and sometimes people don’t want to let their troubles out when someone else is struggling. But I want to be that person you can confide in. I will always be here for you to put your head on my shoulder, for you to let out all of your worries and sorrows. I will do everything in my power to make sure you never feel alone or doubt just how much I love you.

If you go, I understand. I obviously don’t want you to go but know that I’ll be okay. This isn’t what you signed up for and I know what this can do to another person. There is no judgment tied to this decision. If leaving is what you need to do, then go. No matter what happens I am eternally grateful for you because you showed me I can love again. You showed me how strong I am.

If you go or if you stay, whatever you decide, I love you.