I’m Dating Gchat And Things Are Going GREAT


It started out just like the beginning of any amazing song by Taylor Swift, Taylor Dayne, or that one song Jonathan Taylor Thomas sang as Simba in The Lion King.  It was just me and Gchat. We were two girls looking for a place in this world, hoping that love would lead us back, because we just couldn’t wait to be… a thing. I think Gchat had bangs back then, but it may have just been XMPP extensions.  I saw Gchat across a crowded (chat) room, or maybe Gchat saw me, she’ll never say.  We’re so cute the way we tease each other with our little secrets, like who loves the other person more, or where she goes when I shut my computer.

When Gchat was introduced to me she was “Google Talk”. Now we have about a million nicknames for each other. I call her “Gchat”, “Googsie”, “Chitty Chatty Bang Bang”, or “Hot Stuff”.  She calls me “laurajaynemartin@gmail.com”. It’s a weird and cumbersome choice for a nickname, I know, but she’s just really unique and also incapable of thought.

If we get married though, I’ll totally change my name to Laura Jayne Chat. OMG I can’t believe I just said that! I think she’s definitely more of a hyphenate person. We will be: Google Jayne Martin-Chat and Laura Jayne Martin-Chat. Is it too soon to start a Pinterest board for our wedding?

I feel like I can tell Gchat anything. She always remembers everything I say. Even when I was pretty sure I was sharing things off the record, I’ll learn later that she has lovingly and determinedly filed my words away, against my wishes.  But then when I want to remember what I said to Brad Pike about his terrible bedroom—it’s right there! Sometimes I think she knows me better than I know myself, or the things I type to people online.

I find myself thinking about her all the time, but it’s probably because she’s just so sexy. I want to put my stuff in her box. And I do, over and over again, every single day.  It feels amazing.

Sometimes we fight. She’s like “We are not connecting!” I’m like, “Baby, don’t say things you don’t mean.” Then she softens and tells me to “try again later.” That’s when I know she’s just being cute.  I love that I can really get to her. Sometimes she even needs to count backwards from thirty before we can reconnect.

Dating Gchat is really wonderful. She is an amazing communicator. She is so intuitive and can tell right away when people are busy. She’s just really good at reading and registering signals.

All of my friends love her, too. I mean, they don’t love her like I love her, but they think she’s pretty cool.  That’s good because it’s really important for your friends to like the instant messaging service you’re dating.  They probably like her because she’s very laid-back. On the weekends she loves to just stay in bed with me all day. She doesn’t want me to change, or even shower regularly. I mean I do, but that’s really just for me—we need our space.

The most important thing about Gchat is that she will never, ever leave me. She will always be there to let me share my thoughts, anytime day or night.  She loves me, she really loves me. That’s what DING means, right?

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