I’m Happier Without A Dating Checklist, Thank You Very Much

Every time I see an article about dating, I already know what it will be. It’s going to be a list of what men like in women or what women like in men. Maybe it’ll be a list of reasons why you should date a person who does something like travel or have a beard or something stupid like that.

In some of these articles, the author seems to think they’re really preaching the gospel here and that they speak for most of their gender. The truth is that no one can speak for an entire gender or even the majority of it.

My problem with these articles is that it is almost always a list of demands that our partners need to accommodate. I’ll give you an example. In one article, the author says he wants quietness because “Nothing pleases us more than virtual silence. We don’t talk a lot and prefer you don’t either.” So you demand I not use the voice that I have every right to use just to make you happy? Why do we make so many demands of our possible partners before we even give them a chance?

Whether you make a list or not you may still be making demands of someone just by having a type. When you have a type, it seems like you have a minimum standard before you’ll even look at someone. That’s just snobbish to me. I’m not saying you have to date just anyone but why are you turning good people away because they don’t meet these petty requirements? “Oh he/she is great but just isn’t my type!” is one of the most childish things anyone can say. You won’t give them a chance because they don’t meet the minimum requirement to be good enough for your prissy butt.

Instead of making lists of what your potential partner must have, why don’t you just date and see what they DO have. What do they bring to the table? What is it about them that makes those petty lists obsolete? What is it about your partner that makes every list you see on Thought Catalog look dreadfully inaccurate?

When you follow a list, you don’t love the person for who they are, you only love them for what they have and what they do. Does this sound right: “I love her because she doesn’t talk a lot” or “I love him because he reads books.” No it doesn’t sound right at all. Do don’t make a list of requirements that someone has to meet just to receive your love.

The thought of dating someone who has a list of what I need to do just to be good enough for them makes me sick. I’d dump anyone who made such a list because I’m not a robot that you can program to be what you want and you’re not either.