I’m Not Ready For A Relationship, But I’m Looking For A Summer Fling

Listen, I’m not ready for a relationship, but I’m down as fuck for a summer fling.

When I say I’m down, I mean I’m kind of looking.

You don’t even have to be from the 713, I’m all up for some weekends in Dallas, I’ve got some friends there, and Austin is one of my favorite cities.

We don’t have to see each other all the time, you can do your thing and I’ll do mine. We’ll do whatever works for both of us. Disclaimer: I am pretty big on personal space, I’ll respect yours because it’s what I expect. I actually like having time to myself and to do things alone. I won’t be upset when you want to do the same thing. But damn, we got a whole summer ahead of us to go on adventures together, I promise we will make proper use of it.

And yeah, this is all about summer fun, but just because it’s not serious doesn’t mean I’m not looking for CONNECTION. We’ve got to have that in order for me to feel that chemistry. The sex will be that much better. No, I’m not being presumptuous, because SHOCKER, we’re adults, we’re human beings, we’ve got needs. I am a woman looking to be satisfied in the summer of 2018. While on the subject, I’m a Scorpio, you can’t reach euphoria much higher than that when it comes to a lover. *WINK, WINK*

I’m not just looking for a good kisser. I want a pretty mouth that can keep me entertained long enough, both in ways that will make my body tremble and in conversation that will keep me stimulated.

I’m looking for a guy that can hang with me when I’m knocking back tequila shots, and will also be sure to feed me iced water before bed. We can rub each other’s bodies down until our hangovers go away the next morning.

Listen, you’ve also got to be down for some brunch. Split some chicken and waffles with me so I don’t hate myself too much for all the calorie intake on top of bottomless mimosas.

Want to take over the city night with me and make it our bitch? Let’s do it. Want to stay home on the couch and binge-watch a show, rent some movies, or look for some weird documentaries? I’m all about that life too.

You’ve got to be down with my weirdness. I mean, I am a little weird. Not the kind of weird where you could tell just by looking at me, or the kind that’s creepy, but I’m a little strange in the sense that I’m different. I will never ask you to watch romcoms or romantic movies with me. It’s not what I’m into. I like murder, crime, serial killers, psychopaths, and demons. Like, I watch a lot of horror movies and thrillers. I’m addicted to Investigation Discovery too. I read up a lot on shit about unsolved mysteries, cults, aliens, other dimensions, and the spiritual properties of hallucinogens. You gotta be down with all of that.

I’m a writer, so naturally, I’m attracted to art. Let’s hit up some art museums and galleries. You into good literature? That’s a plus. Let’s go to the bookstore and we’ll exchange favorites. You ever have someone read to you? I don’t mean like when you were a little kid and your mom was trying to put you to sleep. I mean, let me read you some Octavio Paz, I can do it in both Spanish and English (yes, I’m fluent). Watch me make you feel things reading you poetry from Julia Kasdorf’s Eve’s Striptease. You haven’t felt what hot is until someone is reading D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover or Jeanette Winterson’s Written On The Body to you. Let me show you what good literature is.

I’m a witch. And it’s not really what you think it means. Really, I just believe a lot in energies and that we attract what we put out, spells are kind of like what some would call praying. I burn a lot of candles I have them in all colors, I smudge herbs like lavender and sage, use essential oils, read tarot, bask in the moon’s energy and own crystals. Really it’s not this scary thing. I feel a deep connection with nature too, so let’s go outside, go to the beach or go on a hike. Wanna take a trip to Colorado and get lost in a cabin in the mountains? I’m your chick. Let’s do it. Hell, I’m down for a trip anywhere this summer. Let’s go to California too. Maybe up to Portland while we’re on the West Coast.

Listen, I’m trying to meet a hottie that will rub suntan lotion all over my back, my buttcheeks and the backside of my thighs. Someone I can make out with like hormone infused teenagers on the couch. Someone who is down to wine and dine me. Someone like a friend, but more, but who also isn’t ready to be all in “something” yet. Someone who will think damn and grab my ass in public. Someone who will let me massage their shoulders and their back. Someone I can cook some tacos for and will provide the Corona.

I want to find a guy for the summer that’s gonna think I look cute in that bikini on that floatie and biting my lip while I’m sipping a drink at the bar. Someone who’s going to look at me and want to take Instagram worthy pictures of me. I need to step up my game. You down to help?

Listen, I don’t want or need to call you my boyfriend. I just want a lover for this summer. A cool guy I can have fun with, who also gets me (preferably also owns a dog).

When I say kind of looking, I mean I’m on Instagram and you can find me there. I’m not into creeps sending me DM’s and I’m not usually into guys sliding up in there, but I mean, I’m telling you to feel free to. I’m saying if you’re cute, I’ll probably hit you up right back. (Fingers crossed that you’re not like one of those serial killers I watch shows about.)

Looking for a summer fling?