I’m Slowly Learning What It Means To Be Happy

I’m slowly learning to let go of negativity and see the bountiful blessings coming my way.

Trust me, for someone who overthinks constantly, this is hard.

It’s hard not to expect bad things to happen so that I can soften the inevitable disappointment. It’s hard not to put up a fortress around my heart so that nobody can get close enough to hurt me. It’s hard not to look into the mirror and see the gaping flaws feeling as though I would never be good enough.

I know this isn’t the right way to live. My life is bigger than my anxiety that cripples me whenever I want to step out of my comfort zone. I’m so tired of going through my daily routine in a daze of repetitive cycle instead of truly living. I’m worried that I’m just passing time and I would never amount to much. And most importantly, I’m terrified of falling into the dark hole where I fight a losing battle against the negative emotions.

But slowly, I’m trying.

Today, I’m making a conscious decision to choose calmness, grace, and openness. When things happen, as inevitably it will, I won’t jump into conclusion of how the whole world is against me. I won’t get overwhelmed with old judgment, hatred, and resentment and let them consume me. I won’t take the easy way out and give in to the negativity that spread like venom into every aspect of my life.

Instead, I will take a deep breath and reshape my thinking, my perception, and my opinion towards it. I will let go of all that I cannot control and take charge of my thoughts. I will surrender my resistance and go with the flow of life with courage, faith, and strength that it is bringing me to the place I’m meant to go.

I’m slowly learning what it means to be happy, even if I’m not there yet.

I’m not clenching tightly on the unhappy thoughts that feed on my fears and worries of a future that is not here yet. I’m not going to be trapped in regretful remorse over the past. I’m not resentful over the twist and turn that fate brought me because I know that it would eventually make sense. I’m not criticizing myself for all my flaws and insecurities because they make me who I am. I’m not blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. I’m not going to be my worst enemy.

I know that progress is not an overnight thing. It’s a constant effort that I have to keep trying.

And try, I will.

I will try to get up each morning braver than the previous day. I will celebrate every small win and be my biggest fan. I will give myself time to heal and take good care of myself. I will believe that the universe is my best friend and conspiring to bring me all that I want as long as I’m willing to work hard for it. I will tear down my walls and count on my loved ones to support me through this uphill time. I will learn to embrace my imperfections and appreciate how far I have come. I will thrive under pressure and not let the difficult times deter me. I will choose to take small steps towards the direction of happiness knowing that it’s entirely my own choice.

And I truly believe that I will get there.