I’m Sorry My Anxiety Makes Your World More Difficult

I’m sorry that I ignore texts from you when I’m not in the mood to socialize. That I go missing in action without warning. That I sometimes leave you wondering whether you did something wrong, whether you offended me, whether I’m annoyed at you.

I’m sorry that I become quiet for seemingly no reason. That I go straight from laughing out loud and joking around with you to giving one-word answers and swearing I’m fine. That I completely shut you out even though I love you more than anyone in the world and would never want you to feel slighted.

I’m sorry that certain situations become too overwhelming for me. That I hide away in bathrooms. That I leave parties early. That I stand in the back of the room to avoid being seen.

I’m sorry that I never answer calls because I hate speaking over the phone. That I have trouble making eye contact when we are speaking face-to-face. That I’m always looking down at the ground or at my phone to avoid looking directly at you.

I’m sorry that I come across as fickle. That I cancel plans at the last second. That I never want to leave the house. That it takes me way too long to make a decision, whether it’s where we should go out to eat or what movie we should watch on the couch.

I’m sorry that I have trouble continuing conversations. That I stutter and stumble over my words. That I never know the right things to say or the right moments to say them.

I’m sorry that I need constant reassurance that you still like me. That I have doubts about whether you are going to stay. That I expect you to leave because I cannot figure out why you want anything to do with me in the first place.

I’m sorry that my confidence is so low. That I shake my head whenever you give me compliments. That I constantly complain about my skin, my hair, my voice, my anxiety. That I never seem happy.

I’m sorry that I cause stupid arguments on accident. That I think too much about the tone you’re using and the words you’re saying. That I’m sensitive. That I’m emotional. That I’m always waiting for something to go wrong.

I’m sorry that I have trouble blending in with your friends. That I never know how to act around them. That I need a drink to feel even slightly comfortable with them. That I come across as rude by only talking to you instead of them.

I’m sorry that I tell lies without thinking twice. That I lie to get out of social situations. That I lie to leave parties early. That I lie about being fine. That I lie about being happy.

I’m sorry that my anxiety makes it hard for me to express how much you mean to me. That I struggle to show you how important you are to me and how I have no idea what I would ever do without you.