I’m Still Learning What It Means To Love Myself


I’m in my 20s, and my hair is falling out. PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), or POS (piece of s**t) as I like to call it, is wreaking havoc. In the most basic sense, PCOS is a hormonal disorder that can effect women in some frightening ways. Some possible issues include excessive body hair growth, irregular/completely absent periods, infertility, high blood pressure, increased risk of diabetes and some cancers, anxiety, depression, and-of course-male pattern hair loss. There is no cure-probably because it doesn’t effect men, just women-only ways to manage symptoms. The first documented case was in the early 1900s, but no cure yet.

All of the other issues associated with POS are probably more hair-raising (forgive the pun), but it’s hard to pay attention to them when you’re standing in front of the mirror trying to set your hair just right so you blend in with the rest of your young and beautiful friends at the club that night. Should I part my hair this way or the other way? Where are my special products that make it appear as if I have more hair than I really do? Are all the really thin areas covered up? Should I just forget it and try to rock a hat? Should I finally get around to just buying a wig? Should I just stay home? No amount of make up will offset my horrendous hair. That loss of confidence is devastating.

I used to have a ton of hair. The picture on my Freshman year college ID is amazing. I had a hair-line that nearly reached my eyebrows. My hair was full of curls and insane volume. Back then, I hated my hair. It was impossible to style and took hours to dry after a shower. If I cut it, it grew back with angry momentum. I used to let boyfriends play with my hair for hours. Now, I have a panic attack if anyone even lays a hand on my fragile tresses.

Losing one’s hair as a woman is the ultimate betrayal. You lose some of your femininity, and it’s hard to ignore people who try to hide their stares. Yet, somehow, there is a silver lining. I’ve learned to be thankful for everything good in my life and to work even harder to maintain. I celebrate every new baby hair that graces my skull-cheering it on so that it becomes a strong new tress. I braved going to the stylist and found a great product that helps lessen the thinning. I’m getting healthier so hopefully the POS won’t get the best of me in the future. I’m learning to love myself all over again and to appreciate anyone who stops to pay me a compliment.

I’m learning to be thankful for everything good in my life- and to work to keep it there-because you never know when the falling out will occur.