In 2018, I Will Be Brave

In some ways, I was braver in 2017 than I have ever been before. I accepted a job that greatly changed my perspective of my own self worth. I went on dates even though I felt like I would puke before even meeting the guys. I pushed myself in ways I never have before. But 2018, will be the year I go even further.

On love — In 2o17 I dived into things I could have never done in 2016. I downloaded dating apps and actually used them instead of ignoring everybody completely. I went on dates. Like I actually DID IT. All by myself. Without puking or absolutely making a fool of myself.

In 2017, I fell a little in love. It wasn’t big love, but it sure wasn’t just lust. I ended up getting badly hurt, but god damn were those couple of months worth it.

In 2018, I will go even further, diving into first dates and seconds and thirds. Maybe this time I won’t need two glasses of wine to calm my nerves. Maybe this year, I won’t need liquid courage because I’ll already have it inside of me. In 2018, I will further in love than I did in 2017. And instead of running from it, I’ll go head first.

On friendship — In 2017, I lost a few friends. And for the most part, they all were lost because of something I did or because I chose to let them go. In 2018, I will not apologize or feel guilty for letting go of toxic relationships. I won’t let myself remain friends with people in order to not hurt their feelings. I’m putting myself first.

In 2018, I will not settle. I will not allow myself into friendships and relationships that only bring me down or make me feel like shit. I vow to never let someone make me feel so low, ever again.

On my self worth — In 2017, I gained confidence in myself despite being single. It took a lot of strength to not compare myself to other people, but ultimately I realized that I was the key to my own happiness.

In 2018, I will continue to grow and to love myself despite mistakes and faults. I’ve never been good at making mistakes. It makes me want to bathe in my own guilt and want to disappear forever, hiding out of shame. But, maybe in 2018, I can learn a healthier way to deal with failure. In 2018, maybe I can learn how to turn my mistakes into something bigger and better.

On happiness — 2017 was hard on my mental health. My anxiety was through the roof and it scared the crap out of me.

In 2018, I will make sure to speak up. I will make sure to put everything on hold if my mental health is in jeopardy. I will need to realize that sometimes, I need breaks in order to keep me sane. I will need to come to terms with the fact that I’ll have anxiety for the rest of my life. I need to learn how to accept that.

I will also need to learn how to come to terms with the fact that healing is NOT linear. I will always be going up and down in life, like the worlds tallest rollercoaster. I’ll need to accept that it’s okay not to be okay. And that I’m not alone. Even when I feel like it.

I will be braver in 2018. Sure, I’ll continue to make mistakes and to fail and fall. But I will also continue to thrive and to grow and blossom. On my own. In the best possible way.

2018, I’m ready for you.