19 Realities Every Independent Woman Experiences When In A Relationship


1. Having to balance your need for space and independence with their desire to spend time with you is tough. You want to spend time with them, too, but you also work hard to maintain your own life.

2. You will go on solo trips and people might ask you, “Where is your significant other?” And it will kind of bother you, because, yes, you love when they’re around, but you can go places on your own, too.

3. It feels a little bit like a slight to independent women everywhere to be so happily coupled up. Like, you have to remind yourself that you can be your own woman while still being someone’s person. It’s a balance, but it’s possible.

4. It took a lot of time for you to open up and let them into your life fully. Your time is precious to you and commitment is not something you take lightly. Plus, for you to share your life with someone… it’s gotta be great.

5. People are honestly surprised by how much of a life outside of your relationship you maintain. You didn’t automatically ditch who you were once you got into a relationship and it’s strange how shocked people are by that.

6. You are pretty much the same person in your relationship as you were when you were single. You actually enjoyed being single. It’s not like you were just constructing a life waiting for someone to come along.

7. Balancing your independence with your love for this other person is a constant struggle. But, you weren’t quick to get into a relationship, so thankfully the person you’re with gets you and accepts you. They know who they committed to.

8. You fight back. It’s respectful. But, yeah, you don’t take any shit. Your significant other thought this was awesome when they weren’t on the receiving end of it. Ha. Ha. Ha…

9. You can go on trips alone for extended periods of time and your relationship will not falter. Nobody seems to understand this. Nobody. People will be all, “Don’t you miss your significant other?” And you’ll be all, “THEY’RE FINE. WE’RE FINE. WE DON’T NEED TO BE ATTACHED AT THE HIP EVERY MOMENT.”

10. …Needless to say, you can get a little defensive at people who try to project their relationship insecurities onto you. Like, no, you and your partner do not need to be around each other every moment of every day to know you love each other. You’re good.

11. Money? Yeah, things are being split. Household chores? Split. Shit’s even and you both are super happy about it. Neither of you want to feel indebted to each other. Plus, you have a job. You’re self-sufficient and it’s one of your favorite things about you.

12. Those tired cliches about relationships never apply to you. You are not the kind of woman who tells her significant other what to do. You’re not controlling. You don’t run the household like a mother. They have their life. You have yours. You two come together equally and with complete respect for each other.

13. You’re not trying to change your partner. You’re with them because you like them as they are. The end. No questions asked.

14. You’re honestly a little headstrong about things. When it comes to cooking or cleaning or anything considered typically a “woman’s job,” you can sometimes get a little testy about it. You want things to be so equally divided that sometimes you see an issue where there isn’t one.

15. …But, for real, you’re not about to cook or clean or do the laundry just because you’re a woman. You’re going to do it because you need to eat and you like a clean home and also clean clothes would be nice. You resent the implication that the roles should be divided like that.

16. ”Behind every great man there’s a great woman” is a quote you loathe more than maybe anything else in this world. Hell nahhhhh, you’re standing right beside each other. You’re not some guy’s puppeteer. You are supportive of each other. That quote is pretty insulting to you both tbh.

17. Showing your vulnerability to your partner is difficult, although, funny thing, you always feel immediately relieved when you open yourself up. You can be entirely too stubborn and closed up about your feelings—years of practice!—so sometimes it takes a little cajoling to get you to spill how you’re truly feeling. (Thankfully they know this about you.)

18. Sometimes it really is tough to balance your independence with your love. You are terrified of becoming dependent on them and needing them. The constant dichotomy of being known and loved versus being exposed and weak can sometimes keep you from getting close to them.

19. You will, from time to time, pull away from them. It is simply your nature. But, you always come back and you think they know this about you. Maybe they even love that about you, too.

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