It’s Gross To Let Trans Women Into Women’s Bathrooms While I’m Trying To Have Diarrhea

I support the trans* movement. In fact, I often tell my friends that I wish I was a man so that I could have a penis to cut off so I could be a woman again. In many ways, I feel like that’s who I am on the inside – a woman trapped in a man’s body trapped in a woman’s body.

I believe that anyone should be able to identify however they want, and that we should treat those people with the utmost respect and admiration. They deserve adulation and reverence, and any sort of mockery directed towards the trans community is proof positive that the offender is literally human scum garbage trash. They’re literally human shit. They are literally the scummiest trash of human garbage.

But, as an inferior cis-woman who will never know the pleasure of space-age sexual reassignment surgery and hormone treatments – cursed with a boring old vanilla vag and a uterus that’s just a cancer time bomb – I have to say there is just one thing that bothers me about the trans-activist community, and that is their insistence on being allowed to use women’s bathrooms at any stage of reassignment.

Now, doesn’t that seem a little bit gross to anyone? The bathroom is supposed to be a safe space where women like me can have diarrhea and spray shit out of our ass into a toilet that we share with strangers – it’s not supposed to be a place where I have to be confronted with something uncomfortable like a man in a dress. It’s not safe.

What if a man is just pretending to be trans so he can come into the bathroom to hear me have diarrhea? I know a real trans person wouldn’t do that, but a man most certainly would. When a woman has diarrhea, it’s a beautiful, magical experience between her and the wonders of her body. So naturally, men want to make it gross by jacking off to it. That’s why we have to be paranoid about men pretending to be women so that they can come into our bathrooms.

Think about the children, too. When a mother brings her son into the women’s bathroom, she’s not doing it so that he can be exposed to a grown man’s penis. She’s doing it so that she can help him shit into a toilet and then wipe the remaining shit out of his ass and congratulate him for shitting. Perhaps dabbing his penis with toilet paper and telling him he’s a big boy. Can you imagine how traumatic it would be for that child if he also saw a transwoman stand up to pee? It would ruin the moment. It wouldn’t be safe.

I think the solution is clear: we need to keep women’s bathrooms as safe spaces for ciswomen to shit and pee and help their children shit and pee and have diarrhea. Adding a transwoman into that situation is gross and it’s uncalled for and frankly it’s unnecessary.

We either need to create separate bathrooms for trans folk and keep women’s bathrooms as safe cis-spaces where we can have diarrhea with people that identify with us and look like us, or go the preferred route of removing the bladder and colon during sexual reassignment surgery so trans people don’t even need to go to the bathroom at all. Ideally, we could replace their excretory organs with that machine from Water World, but instead of converting piss to potable water, it turns their shit into blog posts and hashtags. Women are safe in bathrooms, and the trans folks get to spend more time online. It works out for everyone.