It’s Hard To Believe You Don’t Want A Relationship

You have told me you aren’t looking for a relationship right now. You have made it clear we are never going to become a couple. You have spelled out your feelings for me.

So why don’t I believe you? 

I shouldn’t keep complaining about how you are sending mixed signals when you have looked me in the eyes and told me I’m wasting my time. I should walk away from you. I should raise my standards and search for someone who admits their feelings for me.

But for some reason, I still have faith we are going to end up together. I still feel like it’s only a matter of time until we become an official couple instead of two friends who pretend there isn’t any chemistry.

It’s probably because your actions never match up with your words. You keep saying you are not interested in a relationship, but you keep acting like we are already a couple.

You get jealous. You flirt with me. You compliment me. We make each other laugh and when we are in the same room we never take our hands off each other.

If you weren’t so adamant about how you want to stay single, I would swear you had feelings for me. I would swear we were going to become an official couple.

I wish you would stop playing with my emotions. You can act like you aren’t sending mixed signals, like you made your feelings obvious when you told me you weren’t interested, but your actions are telling me something different. They are telling me you care. They are telling me you like me too.

You text me all the time. You watch all of my stories. You like all of my pictures. You invite me over on weekends. You cuddle with me in bed. You hold my hand. You kiss me.

How am I supposed to believe I mean nothing to you? How am I supposed to listen to your claims about not wanting a relationship when you treat me like we’re already in a relationship?

I don’t even feel like you are using me, like I am some sort of extended one-night stand, because there is more to our relationship than the physical. You have admitted you enjoy spending time with me. You have told me you missed me before. You have had real conversations with me. We have developed a serious connection. An emotional one. A spiritual one.

I like you enough to keep waiting around for you, even though you have told me not to waste my time. Maybe that makes me stupid. Maybe I am going to regret caring this much about you in the near future. Maybe we really aren’t going to get together.

But it’s hard to believe you don’t want a relationship when you keep talking to me like I’m your girlfriend. It’s hard to get over you when you keep giving me more and more reasons to hang on for just a little while longer.