It’s Not Romance You Want, It’s How You Hope Romance Will Change You

“…Let me love you
And I will love you
Until you learn to love yourself”
– Ne-Yo

You don’t want the flowers, the kisses, the hugs, the sex and the close proximity as much as you want to be seen. As much as you want to be trusted, to be shared with, to be cared for. Romance is the way that we show people we love that we love them in ways that surprise them. Whether it’s as extreme as a flash mob or as subtle and sweet as a love note and a yellow rose. You crave this love. You subscribe to this kind of love on YouTube. You dream of having this kind of love in real life. You are hoping that by meeting someone who loves your scars and yourself that it will be easier for you to love them too. And I am here to remind you, that you do not need to wait to learn to love yourself.

You want someone to heal you with their romance. To hug the broken pieces whole, to stay the night and fight your monsters off. You are hoping for romance to distract you from your pain, yourself. You are hoping to go blind to the crappy things that come with life. You want to become obsessive about your love interest’s smile, their laugh, their honesty. You want a life partner who chooses to be there and would choose to be with you again. You hope that it will help you to believe in the good things again. You hope romance will foster a newer sense of security in you.

The issue with building your security off of your partner’s lips grazing yours or when they lavish all of their time on you is that if they leave, they take your security blanket with them. Your nights get colder, you feel the pain you were ignoring, you blame yourself and them, you cry alone instead of smiling to yourself.

Don’t allow a love interest to lead you into loving yourself with their romance towards you or with your excitement to romance them. Instead, decide to learn to love and spend time with yourself now. Don’t fall for romance because you think you need it to heal you or change how you see you. Let romance come your way when it does and choose to love yourself in the meantime. Love has a lot of ordinary days mixed in with the extraordinary romantic days. Make sure you learn to love yourself on the ordinary days just as much as on special days. Make sure you love your partner, not for their romance, but because they are there. Love without the co-dependency.

Don’t stop taking yourself on dates just because you met someone who will do that for you. Continue to build memories with you and remember why you are worthy of love. Continue to love your life and to keep your hands open to love as it comes, and if it goes, don’t slam the door. Whisper “thank you”, appreciate what you learned, grieve the loss, and continue choosing to love yourself anyway.