It’s Time To Stand Up To Terrorism. It’s Time To Watch The Interview Again.


It hasn’t even been five hours since the shooting in Paris this morning, yet the internet is rife with speculation and take-doing. Before most of us have even had a chance to allow the advertisement that precedes the security footage to buffer, the online opinion-havers have already decided on the correct way to lay blame and dole out consequence for this morning’s tragedy.

Islam is too violent, they say. They shouldn’t have published racist cartoons, say others. We saved their ass in WWII, says another guy on my feed. I like the last guy, I think he makes his own liquor. His entire page is poorly photoshopped images of R Lee Ermey vaguely threatening the President.

But it seems that most of the take-doers and say-havers have missed the most glaring point and blatantly apparent observation. Which is absurd, considering it’s right there, on the surface of this incident.

Anyone who knows anything about radical Islam knows that the only reason they do terrorism is because they hate Freedom and they hate Liberty. What’s the difference between the two, you ask? Good question. Who knows. All I know is I have both, and I know that because it said so in the commercials for the truck I drive.

The attack this morning had nothing to do with cartoons, it had everything to do with the fact that Americans bravely sat down this holiday season, and watched The Interview to support our love and strident acceptance of free speech. The terrorists were pissed off that we watched that movie, that’s why they did the bad thing, because they hate it when people do freedom.

And you know what? It’s time to go hard. It’s time to show these terrorists that we will do whatever it takes to defend our freedom, especially if it means downloading a movie and watching it.

So, I’m sitting at my laptop today, and I’m taking a break from social media, I’m taking a break from freelancing, and I’m putting in work for freedom. I’m going to watch The Interview again.

As. Hard. As. I. Can.

I’m getting snacks, I’m putting my headphones in, I’m cranking up the volume, I’m crawling back into bed, and I’m watching The Interview one time for every single bullet that was fired this morning. Then I’m watching it again for every victim, and then I’m watching it one more final time, just to show the terrorists how fucking serious I take freedom of speech.

I’m going to laugh at all the jokes, as loud as I can. I’m going to look up Muslim sounding names in the phone book, dial them up, and put them on speaker as I laugh out loud and good freedom comedy produced by America’s best pot-comedians. I’m going to let them know that these colors don’t run, that this freedom soars like an eagle, and that this liberty rings like a god damn bell that someone hit with a fucking bible made out of Pittsburgh steel. Because when it comes to defending freedom, to me, it’s about more than lip-service or protesting or even displays of force. It’s about drawing silly cartoons and watching movies.