Just Because You’re Heartbroken Now Doesn’t Mean You Always Will Be

Heartbreak is universal, but the time it takes you to heal from one is not. One person can pick up and move on in a day, another might need a year or four.

Every single one of us have suffered from heartbreak in countless different ways. The pain of losing a lover to another, a friend to what began as a silly quarrel, family to thousands of miles in distance, a loved one to the inevitable pain of death, a favorite memorabilia to some black hole in your room, a career you turned your back on the world for, or a dream that you had to let go of before it could even begin.

And when our hearts begin to break, the process of putting the pieces back together seems so endless, that we often wonder if we can ever truly make it whole again. Because apparently:

If you want the truth, there is absolutely no way that a heart that breaks can ever completely heal. Each heartache will leave a scar, others deeper and longer than others, etched in—possibly so we never forget what we learned with each “battle.” That’s why loving anything or anyone at all will always be a risk—because it might someday leave you with yet another indelible scratch. Each scrape is ultimately worth it, but it is up to you to decide who or what is worth this risk—but this isn’t something you can entirely agree with when you are in the process of putting your heart back together.

So while you’re at it, what will make you “whole” again? Let’s say you’re talking about the pain of losing the love of your life. Time, you know of. Losing yourself to insanity for a while, you might have heard of. Immersing your entire being in the comfort of your friends and family, you’ve done. And some would have you believe that you can only truly heal by finding another.

It’s like leaving a band aid on a wound for a long time and hoping that it will heal itself. It’s like staying put in a wheelchair for years after you hurt your knee and hoping that when it’s restored, you can walk again no problem, without even trying a bit of therapy. It’s like letting yourself get weaker and weaker because you have high hopes that someone else will come along to save you again the next time your heart breaks.

You know what will make you okay? Strength. Save yourself. Hear out every single “no” and let yourself say it once in a while. Endure the discomfort of rejection without trying to look for a shortcut. Let yourself feel how much it truly hurts and use it to make yourself stronger. It is not easy, but it is so, so worth it. All the risk is worth this kind of strength—the will to save and love yourself and the power to actually do so.

The next one who comes along deserves to have you mended and “whole.” And you deserve the kind of happiness that can only be found in learning to love yourself. That is the kind of love that makes all the risk worth it in the end.